Politics

Jimmy Kimmel Mocks Completely Absent Melania, ‘She’s the Inventor of Social Distancing!’

So, we’re all settling in now, well – except us here in Mississippi. Here in MS, y’all can run into town and you’ll notice is it’s hot as the Devil’s oven on “Bake” for Truuuffle pie. It is March 25 and it’s 90 degrees. It even looks a lot like the middle of summer, with everyone running around, talking, acting like there’s not a care in the world. After all, our governor proudly told the United States and god himself that Mississippi is not like China!

One Mississippian asked the governor why the state was not emulating China, the first country to detect COVID-19 and the first to control the spread of the virus.

Nothing good will come from the answer about to be given ….

“Mississippi’s never going to be China. Mississippi’s never going to be North Korea,” Reeves responded. He added that “when looking at the numbers China’s putting out, claiming that they have no new cases over a period of time—I’m not entirely sure we can trust that data.”

Besides, China and North Korea have more money than we here in Mississippi, Governor Reeves could have easily gone on to say, but did not.

You dumb fffffer, the reason we don’t trust the Chinese numbers is that they might be far HIGHER, not lowerJesus Christ ordering sweet tea, these people. Reeves is not ordering – yet – a shelter in place order, but he’s banning groups of ten or more at first-cousin marriages.

People looked at me like I’m insane for wearing a mask when I was out. I assured them, it’s not that big a deal, we’re only 80 miles from Slidell Louisiana – or what they’re calling the new hotspot (New Orleans).

Anyway, I started to say we’re all settling in. I am, at least.

So is Jimmy Kimmel!

Kimmel is doing some of his first “Quarantine Monologues” (Video at bottom). And he had some special shout-outs he wanted to make.

Kimmel took note of our story here yesterday (surely) about Texas Lt. Governor Dan Patrick.

Lt. Gov Patrick said: “Old people are willing to go to an early grave to help boost the stock market, And that doesn’t make me noble or brave or anything like that.”

Kimmel noted – as did we – that, no, “It makes him an idiot.”

Kimmel also said that Melania Trump tested negative for coronavirus, which he explained made sense:

Kimmel shared the news with viewers that first lady Melania Trump has tested negative for the coronavirus. “Of course she has,” he said. “She’s been six feet away from her husband since Stormy Daniels. Their marriage was the inventor of social distancing.

I could so comment here, but I think it’s best just left alone. Besides, I got things to do. This is Mississippi, and life waits for no one down here. We don’t have time to slow down our busy lives! Who else is going to lean against the car on Main Street, in 105-degree heat in March, and talk about how the high school football team will do in the football season they won’t play this fall?

Peace, y’all

Jason

[email protected] and on Twitter @MiciakZoom

meet the author

Jason Miciak is an attorney, author, political analyst and writer originally from Canada, with dual citizenship, living with his wife and daughter in southern Mississippi. He has an B.S. in Biology and a Minor in American History from Gonzaga University and a J.D. from the University of California. He does as little law as he can get away with while now doing full time writing for Political Flare. He also enjoys gardening, fishing, casual reading in science and dogs.

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