Politics - News Analysis

Kellyanne Conway Demands Biden Call the White House and Support Trump and Stop Criticizing Him

I want to thank Rawstory for having the transcripts and give them a big plug, they are invaluable. 

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We revisit the three-way competition for the world’s worst blonde, the one upon which we routinely check, to see which of our sprinters (Conway, Ingraham, Coulter) has just had a burst of speed. Never mind that Kellyanne always looks like she’s on speed, she has gotten off to a fast start this morning:

“I find it to be petty and a tinge of partisanship and completely unhelpful to the American population to have a former vice president who was here for eight years in his bunker in Wilmington just lobbing criticisms,

It is a campaign for president! Whether it occurs from someone’s “bunker” in Deleware or the “bunker” in the White House, they are going to be lobbing shells at each other. Or – we can agree, neither side says a partisan word … bwahahah, your guy already broke it, because of course, he has. He can’t go thirty seconds withou …

What?

“He’s got a lot of fans out there that can’t get enough of Joe Biden in the bunker in Delaware,”

So a reporter asked:

“Are you suggesting Vice President Biden should be disregarding federal guidelines?”

Kellyanne? Is that what you’re implying?

“You know I’m not. Let’s not be silly! Let’s not be silly about it! I’m not implying anything. In fact, I’m not implying a single thing. I wonder what you’re implying.”

“The critics and naysayers have never seemed so small. And if you’re a former vice president and you have some type of visibility, you have a great idea, let’s hear it.”

“He can stay in the bunker all he wants. He can cough into his hand all he wants. He can read from prepared notes all he wants.”

Is she implying that we could see another Bowling Green Massacre if Joe Biden coughs in his hands and wipes the camera with a small and petty last piece of toilet paper? Is that insane? Yes! Because Kellyanne Conway is insane.

Is that what I am implying? No! I am saying it! What the ever-living fck did we just read? That is a senior counselor to the president of the United States! She couldn’t make the senior cheerleading team talking like that.

Speed kills, man. She needs to tell her boss – fast. If he keeps up the Adderall, he’ll sound more like her, which in that case would be an improvement but …

Arghgharhrhrharh. They are ALL on speed!!

She wins.

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Peace, y’all

Jason

[email protected] and on Twitter @MiciakZoom

meet the author

Jason Miciak is a political writer, features writer, author, and attorney. He is originally from Canada but grew up in the Pacific Northwest. He now enjoys life as a single dad raising a ridiculously-loved young girl on the beaches of the Gulf Coast. He is very much the dreamy mystic, a day without learning is a day not lived. He is passionate about his flower pots and studies philosophical science, religion, and non-mathematical principles of theoretical physics. Dogs, pizza, and love are proof that God exists. "Above all else, love one another."

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