Donald Trump clearly got the boost of energy one would expect when the proudest narcissist hears of someone’s death and convinces himself that the death is fantastic news for him – it likely is not, and we’ll report more fully upon that tomorrow. It left Trump and the crowd with a bit more vigor. Unfortunately for Trump, he still has something preventing him from speaking correctly, and he still yanks the presidency down in the gutter.
We have some highlights from the night.
As we’ve reported before – and many of our readers can recite it along with us – the Nobel Peace Prize is much like Fight Club. The number one rule is that you don’t talk about fight club or the Nobel Peace Prize. Trump keeps talking about it. This is interesting since he was merely nominated and – truly – anyone can be nominated. There is also the fact that – surprise! – the nominations were forged, according to the New York Times . Thus, even the nominations were not even real. Did this stop Trump from bragging about his nomination in violation of rule number one? Nyet. Trump remains as far away from the Nobel Peace prize as we remain from the Nobel prize for literature. (Get off yourselves and get us nominated!)
Now listen to how Trump pronounces the words. We think Aaron was too kind. We hear Nobel priest price, with bonus accordion hands.
“Nobel Preace Prize” pic.twitter.com/YYRiq3SdW9 
— Aaron Rupar (@atrupar) September 19, 2020 
Next up in our highlights from the evening, we have Trump dragging the entire presidency and the process in choosing a president down to the sewer, and doing it in what Trump calls the most exceptional nation to ever grace the planet, one befitting of patriotism and love. Trump tells the cultists that his opponent will surely get “a shot in the ass” prior to the debate.
Progress! Trump can no longer claim that Joe has “dementia” given that Joe sounds sharper, angrier, and clearer-headed than Trump ever has. But because Trump presumes everyone lives like him, the only possible explanation to Trump is that Joe gets performance-enhancing “shots in the ass” before big events … just like Trump (so it seems).
The President suggests his opponent will receive an injection of performance enhancing drugs “in the ass” before the debates pic.twitter.com/sXOGjrFltp 
— Acyn Torabi (@Acyn) September 19, 2020 
And then, Ha ha, Trump “jokes” that he’ll maybe sign an executive order that “you” (meaning Americans) can’t have Joe as “your” president. Apparently Trump believes he can order who gets to be president. If that’s true, we ought to get President Obama to sign a retroactive order preventing Trump from being president. Owned, MAGA-tard! We shouldn’t even talk about this because Trump most certainly wants to order Biden ineligible and most certainly will look at a way to do it. Whether he succeeds or not is a different issue:
Trump: Maybe I’ll sign an executive order, you can’t have him as your president pic.twitter.com/et3Y956a88 
— Acyn Torabi (@Acyn) September 20, 2020 
And one cannot be a fascist banana-republic, Eastern-European strongman, or Christianista Ayatollah without forced indoctrination camps. Trump wants to teach students that the country is perfect and exceptional, yet it still finds a way to get better every day under Trump. We’re pretty sure we heard Trump say that the nation was carnage under Obama. Interesting, because most “great” liberal western democracies teach history as is and aren’t so insecure as to worry about the fact that their past contains mistakes, even ugliness. Indeed, they believe it is good to learn the mistakes so as to build a better future. Ironically, it’s not that different than being an adult. Adults admit mistakes and admit they’re not perfect. This might explain why Trump believes things are perfect and will continue to be, but only under him, where nothing is questioned and people damned well know there place!
"We are taking school funds away from these crazy schools that are teaching horrible things. Bad things, actually. We will teach our children the truth about America: That we are the most exceptional nation on the face of the Earth & we are getting better every single day"- Trump pic.twitter.com/g8ii8UKZHS 
— Aaron Rupar (@atrupar) September 20, 2020 
We will have more coverage as the night goes on and tomorrow morning. That is more than enough to chew upon. Trump seems to be in a bit of a panic and quite “juiced” – we wonder what he might have had shot into his ass.
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