We had to verify, and verify, and verify, that this story was not satire. It is not, although it damn well makes more sense as satire than reality.
Yes, apparently there are conservatives out there that believe that Trump might be able to help solve his problem with suburban women (who probably associate Trump primarily with sexual assault) by putting Mike Pence out more with a message. To be sure, it is not crazy to think Mike Pence has more appeal with suburban women than Trump. But most gas nozzles have more sex appeal to women than Donald Trump. What is crazy is that they believe that Pence can win women over by … ahem, hitting the spot, massaging the numbers, nibbling away at the lead, whispering their plans from behind rather than announcing them out front … we’ll stop.
This guy is the host of the nationally syndicated Jesse Kelly show and has 250K followers on Twitter.
FWIW, the Trump campaign might wanna feature Pence a little more if they’re worried about suburban moms. I’m picking up a lot of chatter about how….popular he is with them.
— Jesse Kelly (@JesseKellyDC) October 8, 2020 [1]
Interesting. We’re not hearing that chatter and we probably pick-up ten times the chatter from suburban women than this guy, at least if our emails are any indication. Is the chatter mostly about silver being the perfect color for …fly paper? Is the chatter about Karen not needing to worry so much about Pence in a room with other women?
To give you a flavor of the type of men we’re talking about here, the first response was:
Apparently “male headship” is a foreign concept to the folks lighting up your comments. 🤷🏼♂️
— Gregory Levitsky (@LevitskyGregory) October 9, 2020 [2]
Oh, I feel the heat rising among our many women readers!
These are not satire, these are real MAGA heads and perhaps we’re not covering them quite enough because this explains one hell of a lot about that 38-42% that think Trump is the greatest president ever. He reminds them of themselves.
But we’re not done, another prominent Right-wing commentator, Kurt Schlicter, who is a Senior Columnist at Town Hall.com with 300K followers, wrote:
Let’s just say it… Suburban women sense that Pence knows how to lay pipe.@JesseKellyDC [3] https://t.co/I9PfAg8o9r [4]
— Kurt Schlichter (@KurtSchlichter) October 8, 2020 [5]
Umm, wut?
Pence calls his wife “Mommy” – okay, not technically, it’s “mother” but that’s awfully close to the same thing. Now, if Karen called Mike Pence “Daddy” well, then maybe they’d have a case … my god, I can’t believe we’ve gone down on this. But we’re here, and we won’t ever leave a woman half-satisfied.
If the Republicans wanted to run a man who had sex appeal with suburban women they would’ve recruited Barack Obama! Going down a list here, Trump, Pence, McConnell, Lindsey, Barr, … it doesn’t seem like “sex appeal” with suburban women is a trait that ever really occurred to Republicans. Ted Cruz might be an okay-looking guy but if you’re a jackass it doesn’t matter if you look like Brad Pitt, you won’t get to the main course, never mind her place.
In our experience, if a guy can make a woman laugh, we mean really laugh, a lot, and be a guy who calmly solves problems, that guy has sex appeal with almost no regard for how he looks. The other thing a guy has to have is enough confidence in himself to not have to act all alpha or the boss of everything – it reeks of “insecurity.” Now, the GOP might take a look around and see if they have that type hanging out in their club. We will even give them a hint. Does either guy on their ticket even pass that very first test? Has either of them ever made any woman laugh? Other than in bed, we mean.
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Peace, y’all
Jason
[email protected] and on Twitter @JasonMiciak