Politics - News Analysis
Watch Melania Trump Pretend to Be the First Female President in This Bizarre 1993 Commercial
Since it is Halloween season we decided to scare the ever-living shit out of you on a Saturday night.
There is this theory, that goes if Donald Trump wins a second term (something that is looking less likely by the hour but still very possible given last time and the Russians) that Trump will either simply run again for a third term claiming that he was treated so badly that he deserves a third term (because that’s a little known constitutional provision, “can only serve two terms unless in the president’s belief he was treated very badly, and in that case may be allowed to serve as long as …” ) but if he doesn’t run, there will be a gunfight between Don Jr. and Ivanka over who will actually run as the “heir apparent.”
What if we’ve got it all wrong? What if Ivanka and Don Jr. have it all wrong? Has anyone seen the pre-nuptial? What if the heir apparent is the one person who has some acting experience as president of the United States (acting experience now seems to be as important as a law degree or previous public service), what if it is Melania Trump who is the next “president of the United States!”
She has played one in a commercial in Slovenia! According to Salon:
The lo-fi 1993 commercial, unearthed by Univision, depicts the woman then named Melania Knauss as the first female president on her inauguration day. She waltzes out of an airplane in a baggy trench coat (it matches those of her Secret Service agents, a yuge presidential faux pas), powders her face in a motorcade, and takes her oath of office in a brown suit jacket with matching lipliner, all to the dance beats of an Elvis Costello and the Attractions tune.
Oh, I can hear you now. “She is not a natural-born citizen of the United States, she can’t be president!” Well, according to Melania, neither was fcking Barack Obama and that didn’t stop him, did it? Besides, the constitution is just so pre-Millenial. What part of the United States Constitution ever stopped a Trump from doing what he or she wanted? Exactly. Nothing. So we don’t want to hear about birth stuff.
Besides, we can see it now. Trump promises the American people that nothing will change. Melania will be the official president, but he will continue to make all the decisions and run the country … and then right after she is sworn in, she turns to Justice Roberts, who hands the divorce papers to Trump (that is a movie I might pay to see, but would want to watch from another country).
Anyway, who knew that Melania – of all the Trumps – actually had experience playing the president of the United States. And though we only saw about 20 seconds of horridly produced video we presume that no one died of a preventable epidemic while filming it, which makes her tenure a far greater success than his.
You heard it here first, Melania 2024. (At which point, I’ll be writing from Canada with Nicole living downstairs).
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