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Don Jr. and Kimberly Guilfoyle’s Humiliating Appearance at Convention Was Nothing Short of Atrocious

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Kim and D-Jay at CPAC, sounds like U2 and Green Day at Glastonbury, doesn’t it? No, not quite. But they certainly wanted to entertain.

We want to reiterate, as we’re often want to do, that both of these people have tumbled… up? We suppose the direction can await future determination. But Don Jr. went from being the sort of “understated” and clumsy Trump (it’s true) with a beautiful “nice” wife and five wonderful children, while Kimberly was once the girlfriend-wife of Gavin Newsom when he was the boy mayor of San Francisco. And yes, pictures of her back then will make your head whip around and wonder if she’s sued her plastic surgeon for $50 million because she, too, was beautiful.

And then they met.

What happened next was a dairy farm methane release of the type that can only happen in MAGAville. Don’s wife left him, his kids look sick in every photo we’ve seen with “dad”. And Kimberly? Let’s just say that Kimberly got booted from Fox on the tail of a lawsuit for harassment, all arising out of showing her assistant pictures of her conquests. Sorry, that is too vague. She showed her assistant pictures of Kimberly in the act of conquering.

CPAC was made for these two and they stole the show. According to the Independent:

Yes, Kim likes to bring the enthusiasm, and I respect that. She infamously screamed at the Republican National Convention that “THE BEST — IS YET — TO COME!” just before Trump lost the election, and no one could accuse her of lying. Today, she told us President Biden is “leading from behind. From behind Kamala, that is! Ha! True story!” After a pause for laughter that didn’t come, she added that America is crawling with “socialists and communists [who] want to see our nation burn.” She predicted that ex-president Trump would achieve “more from his desk in Mar-a-Lago than Biden and Kamala will in the next four years.” I suppose that all depends if you count achievements in public policy or personal golf handicaps, but who am I to judge her truth.

We like the writer, sounds familiar. But the point is that Kimberly seems to be trying even harder and yet losing ground, still. Meanwhile, Junior himself is definitely on the rise in MAGA land.

The jury’s been out for a while on whether or not Don Jr is the actual son of the 45th president or an elaborate piece of performance art, and today didn’t make it any clearer. Chest puffed out like a pigeon on heat, Junior made topical references to quail-hunting and spent an inordinate amount of time attacking “Lincoln Project Liz”, i.e. Liz Cheney, a member of his own party. It didn’t quite land. “There’s competent women and incompetent women,” he rambled at one point, “…but people get away with it by talking about diversity blindly.” What? I don’t know. Nobody does.

We might point out that it is physically possible, and there is circumstantial evidence, that Don Jr. is both “not the actual son” of Donald, while also being an elaborate piece of performance art. And don’t put down the hunting stuff, that shit has worked for Junior, and don’t ask us why. Only MAGAs could possibly fall for a Manhattan-rich kid trying to pull off the rugged hunter stuff. This is precisely why Junior and Guilfoyle headed down to Florida to take up new digs. There are an awful lot of nice places in the valley south of Missoula and yet Junior didn’t move there because they don’t like frauds in Montana.

“This month alone, they’ve banned the Muppets and made a gender-neutral Mr Potato Head” (the former, of course, is just straightforwardly not true, and the latter was a decision taken by a private company, though it is endearing to think of Joe Biden immediately getting to work on toy spuds during his first two months in power.) Democrats are “trying to ban Fox News”. Everything these days is down to “liberal privilege”. Something-something-Hunter-Biden, who is “making billions in China right now” and stole his father’s votes, dammit.

No one banned The Muppets, someone put a disclaimer on it. Mr. Potato Head became “Potato Head” – which, as noted above, is just as likely a marketing decision as much as anything. But the point is, the Independent’s article deserves some consideration. We never take Kimberly Guilfoyle seriously, not if she’s not offering us a lap dance – we would take that seriously, and seriously try to put the chair between ourselves and her in the sincere hope we won’t be eaten, or get the 9th lap dance of the night. But we might be guilty of taking Junior a little too seriously at times. Something to consider. It does seem like the two mostly bombed at CPAC, though – it’s true, the crowd had been pretty well worn out with crazy by that point.

We will keep you up to date.

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Peace, y’all
jason
[email protected] and on Twitter @JasonMiciak

Jason Miciak
meet the author

Jason Miciak is a political writer, features writer, author, and attorney. He is originally from Canada but grew up in the Pacific Northwest. He now enjoys life as a single dad raising a ridiculously-loved young girl on the beaches of the Gulf Coast. He is very much the dreamy mystic, a day without learning is a day not lived. He is passionate about his flower pots and studies philosophical science, religion, and non-mathematical principles of theoretical physics. Dogs, pizza, and love are proof that God exists. "Above all else, love one another."

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