Permit us a gratuitous shot at the man, he put us through plenty of pain, we should all be allowed to mock the man from now until he…

Donald Trump is the man from Queens who needed to conquer Manhattan because the “elite” live in Manhattan and he sees himself as the elitist of the elite.

Obviously, it is hardly breaking news to say it was all a con. Poorly educated, ill-mannered, ill-tempered, half the time just plain “ill,” it was all an act. He was not even in charge of some globe-spanning empire. No, the Trump Organization certainly did own some properties, the building in Manhattan, a major share in an office tower in San Francisco, some “clubs” like Mar-a-Lago, but the Trump Organization was run out of two stories in his Manhattan office with twenty to thirty people. Primarily, Trump was a “brand” that did nothing more than licensing deals.

It was always a con, the rich man with elite tastes living the “luxury lifestyle” (his self-described brand, “the luxury lifestyle,” most of us would die of humiliation and rather sleep on nails than be absorbed with such gluttony). He could not even eat like an “elite.” He had access to a wonderful restaurant in his Trump International Hotel in Washington DC and he would go by and eat there frequently.

He had the exact same thing every time. He had a shrimp cocktail (probably the type that is free in Vegas as long as one is playing at the $25/bet blackjack table), a well-done steak, and french fries. Moreover, he needed it prepared specially for him. Check out this man’s “luxury lifestyle class.” From The Guardian:

“The server was to hold a longneck-bottle opener by the lower third of the handle in one hand and the Diet Coke, also by the lower third, in the other. Once poured, the drink had to be placed at the President’s right-hand side. ‘Repeat until POTUS departs.’”

Trump always ate the same meal: shrimp cocktail, well-done steak and fries, sometimes with apple pie or chocolate cake for dessert, according to the Washingtonian. “The manual instructed the server to open mini glass bottles of Heinz ketchup in front of Trump, taking care to ensure he could hear the seal make the ‘pop’ sound.”

A tray of crisps, chocolates, granola bars, Tic Tacs, gummy bears, Oreos, chocolate-covered raisins and other snacks had to be on hand. The magazine added that Trump once demanded to know why his dining companion received a bigger steak than he did, while first lady Melania Trump once sent back a Dover sole because it was dressed with parsley and chives.

We are in no way at all trying to imply that the people in Queens have no class because that is not at all true. But this is trailer-trash moving on over to Manhattan, and then the White House, seeking to be “elite” and just not quite making it. Who raised these people? And evidently, Don and Mel learned absolutely nothing along the way. We are surprised Melania ordered the fish. Had she thought about it, she might’ve concluded that she’d already devoured too many souls for a day.

Why didn’t Trump just use ketchup packets? Because they look low class?

We want to point something out. If someone pulled this shit interviewing for a job on The Apprentice, they would be fired at lunch, even if Trump is doing it at the exact same time. Ketchup bottles “popping.”

Jesus these people.

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Peace, y’all
Jason
[email protected] and on Twitter @JasonMiciak