Politics - News Analysis

Jim Bakker’s Guest Warns that COVID Tests Are a Plan to Bring About the Zombie Apocalypse, Because Why Not?

There are some that exist so far to the right that it only takes another step or two to eclipse the sanity event horizon. One step over the event horizon and no one hears from them again, except those providing nursing and health care services.

This is awfully close.

Jim Bakker has fallen so far, so fast, that he needs to attract viewers with whatever it takes to get them. Conspiracy theories are the MAGA movement’s oxygen. So Bakker brought on right-wing conspiracy theorist Steve Quayle to warn about aliens, demons, trans-dimensional beings, and “diseases that are designed to initiate cannibalism in human beings” and, thus – of course, turning them into literal zombies.

But, how would we tell from all the other MAGAs?

Let’s ask the expert:

“Zombies that are on the Earth are a disease like any other disease that affects people, and they become like zombies. Is that right?” Bakker asked.

*That’s not a disease like any other disease on earth*

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“That’s only part of the story,” Quayle replied. “Zombies also have the evil spiritual entity known as demon possession.”

“The best way to explain zombies’ blood lust is this: the appetite of demons expressed through humans. It should be astonishing to people that the richest people in the world—not all of them but some of them—are into occult ceremonies where they have to drink blood that’s extracted from a t*tured child. Now that’s sick, but that’s the appetite of demons expressed through humans.”

*It is sick, and so are the people that think it’s true. With the exception Mark Zuck… we know of no rich demon zombies. We do know of ones that eat all platforms daring to compete with them.

“They can induce zombieism, at least the appetite for human flesh. If this is all wild stuff, why does the military have a manual about it? Why does the CDC even have anything on their [website]? Remember, the Center for Disease Control—or Creation, I call it, that’s my opinion. The whole subject of zombies could be just boiled down at one end to a genetically modified human that is no longer human on the level that you and I or a living being is. Then that corpse, that walking—animated, there’s a better word, it’s not living—an animated corpse is possessed by a demonic entity. That demonic entity has knowledge, it has sentience, it has—how do I say this?—there’s a purpose to do nothing else but to destroy.”

You almost have to feel a bit sorry for anyone who watches this and believes it. They clearly have no capacity for rational thought, nor the ability to ask, is it actually true that the military has a manual for it? (If it is, we’d like to read that manual ourselves). This is how guys like Bakker extort money from almost innocent people.

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Peace, y’all
Jason
[email protected] and on Twitter @JasonMiciak

meet the author

Jason Miciak is a political writer, features writer, author, and attorney. He is originally from Canada but grew up in the Pacific Northwest. He now enjoys life as a single dad, writing from the beaches of the Gulf Coast, getting advice from his beloved daughter and teammate. He is very much the dreamy mystic that cannot add and loves dogs more than most people. He also likes studying cooking, theoretical physics, cosmology, and quantum mechanics. He likes pizza.

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