Politics - News Analysis

Presidential Historian Totally Humiliates Trump by Having Twitter Users Suggest Show Tunes That Will Calm Him Down After Brutal Hearings

“Grisham recently published a tell-all book and noted that when Trump descended into turmoil, his staff resorted to summoning an aide, nicknamed the “Music Man”, to play songs from musicals they knew would soothe him, namely Memory from the Broadway musical Cats.”

Grisham was talking about the White House, and a president, not a preschool and an undermedicated kid. Admittedly, there was very little difference, as we further learned yesterday during Cassidy Hutchinson’s testimony. Most preschool kids would hesitate to do this because, well, it’s embarrassing, even to three-year-olds: (Direct Testimony):

After Mark had returned, I left the office and went down to the dining room, and I noticed that the door was propped open and the valet was inside the dining room changing the tablecloth off of the dining room table. He motioned for me to come in and then pointed towards the front of the room near the fireplace mantel on the TV, where I first noticed there was ketchup dripping down the wall, and there was a shattered porcelain plate on the floor.

The valet had articulated that the president was extremely angry at the attorney general’s AP interview and had thrown his lunch against the wall, which was causing them to have to clean up, so I grabbed a towel and started wiping the ketchup off of the wall to help the valet out.

Where was the music man!! It is so easy to calm a cat… a president!


So now that everyone is calm, and contemplative, while also keeping the Xanax within arm’s reach in case it looks as though a Republican might be in the White House anytime in the next generation, we should check in on what presidential historian, the esteemed professor, Michael Beschloss believes would be a good use of our time right now, such that Bedminster isn’t covered in ketchup this weekend.

Twitter had some fun with it:


[email protected], @JasonMiciak, with Nicole Hickman

meet the author

Jason Miciak is a political writer, features writer, author, and attorney. He is originally from Canada but grew up in the Pacific Northwest. He now enjoys life as a single dad raising a ridiculously-loved young girl on the beaches of the Gulf Coast. He is very much the dreamy mystic, a day without learning is a day not lived. He is passionate about his flower pots and studies philosophical science, religion, and non-mathematical principles of theoretical physics. Dogs, pizza, and love are proof that God exists. "Above all else, love one another."


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