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Poor Jim Jordan Can’t Find Anything to Be Thankful for This Thanksgiving

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Jim Jordan isn’t happy.

Ha, I know. Breaking news.

But anger is the only platform one has when a party has no real “platform” (Lower taxes on the rich is not a platform, it’s a reason to breathe if you’re a Republican). The platform becomes nothing more than a set of grievances directed at the people who are in control. Given that the Republicans just got flattened in a midterm election in which they believed that the entire country would agree that everything sucks, there was nothing to be happy about. We have no future and certainly nothing to give thanks over.

Here is Jim Jordan’s list of how he sees Thanksgiving coming down the pike:

You entitled little POS! Why don’t you ask your friends at the oil companies making record profits about the price of gas? People would be less worried about being robbed if the country wasn’t flooded with guns. The price of groceries has gone up 9-10%, according to people who actually know and care about the truth:

In 2022, all food prices are now predicted to increase between 9.5 and 10.5 percent, food-at-home prices are now predicted to increase between 11.0 and 12.0 percent, and food-away-from-home prices are predicted to increase between 7.0 and 8.0 percent.

Maybe you ought to listen to your aunt and critical race theory since you surely don’t know what it actually is. From kindergarten through high school, CRT is nothing more than teaching real American history, which means history from all Americans’ points of view. Jordan wants American history taught according to the only Americans he believes mattered throughout that history, white people. Maybe Jordan’s aunt could do him a service if he weren’t so scared of the world and bitter that he has nothing to be thankful for in Biden’s America.

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[email protected], @JasonMiciak, with Nicole Hickman

Jason Miciak
meet the author

Jason Miciak is a political writer, features writer, author, and attorney. He is originally from Canada but grew up in the Pacific Northwest. He now enjoys life as a single dad raising a ridiculously-loved young girl on the beaches of the Gulf Coast. He is very much the dreamy mystic, a day without learning is a day not lived. He is passionate about his flower pots and studies philosophical science, religion, and non-mathematical principles of theoretical physics. Dogs, pizza, and love are proof that God exists. "Above all else, love one another."

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