Politics - News Analysis

Herschel Walker is Very Upset That Barack Obama Teased His Desire to Be a Werewolf Over a Vampire

Ah, now it all makes sense. Remember back when we had some fun with Herschel Walker saying that vampires were cool? We said, “No, technically, little tiny nibs on the neck can be extremely hot, which is pretty cool, but fangs right into the jugular were not cool, not even in Santa Cruz. (Gen X reference). But Walker now says that he was comparing vampires to werewolves and which were cooler. Obama said that he’d had the exact same argument when he was seven.

Now we have Walker saying that it was meant to be about faith, like a parable. Right. That is like leaving your wife at home with the little one, going out with the guys, saying you’ll be back at 10:00 p.m., after the game, but returning at 1:30 a.m., smelling vaguely like wine and a foreign perfume, and saying that “this is actually about faith,” and trying to change the subject to God.

That’s what Walker is doing, lamenting that his Werewolf versus Vampire argument was about his faith journey. From Rolling Stone:

Georgia Senate candidate Herschel Walker fails to see the humor in former president Barack Obama’s jokes about Walker’s preference to be a werewolf rather than a vampire.

“Well, what’s sad is they’re always trying to mislead people,” Walker told Fox host Maria Bartiromo on Sunday after Obama poked fun at his comments. “Obama talking about I’m talking about vampires and werewolves. Why don’t they tell the whole story?”

On Fox, Walker said, “The whole story is the story involved people having faith, having faith and continuing to go out and do your job, having faith to get things done. So they don’t tell you the whole story.”

No. Herschel Walker was the one who didn’t tell us the whole story. He didn’t tell us the whole story about the number of children he’s fathered, the number of pregnancies asked to have aborted, and even whether he lives in Texas or Georgia!

Herschel? It’s 2:00 a.m., you smell like perfume, and that’s never, ever a good sign for you. Don’t tell us this is about our faith… or vampires, for that matter.


[email protected], @JasonMiciak, with Nicole Hickman

meet the author

Jason Miciak is a political writer, features writer, author, and attorney. He is originally from Canada but grew up in the Pacific Northwest. He now enjoys life as a single dad raising a ridiculously-loved young girl on the beaches of the Gulf Coast. He is very much the dreamy mystic, a day without learning is a day not lived. He is passionate about his flower pots and studies philosophical science, religion, and non-mathematical principles of theoretical physics. Dogs, pizza, and love are proof that God exists. "Above all else, love one another."


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