Election 2020

Capitol Rioter Who Cried Over Getting Kicked Out of His Wine Club Gets More Bad News: He’s Gotta Learn to Love Prison Wine Now

Looks like wine connoisseur and January 6 insurrectionist Patrick Stedman may have to settle for a cheaper kind of wine, perhaps of the rotgut, homemade variety. Because that’s the only kind of “wine” he’ll be able to find in prison.

Stedman may also have this beverage along with a side of cooked goose—his own. Stedman filmed his participation in the Capitol attack and even shared footage from inside then-Speaker Nancy Pelosi after his fellow MAGA rioters broke in, according to Uproxx. He has been found guilty on each of the five charges brought against him by the Washington, D.C. District Attorney. Stedman is looking at a possible 23 years behind bars and hundreds of thousands of dollars in penalties for disorderly conduct, illegally entering a restricted building and obstructing an official proceeding among other things. Stedman, a New Jersey native was offered a plea deal that would have definitely lightened his sentence to just a few years along with smaller fines but he rejected those offers.

I’m sure he understands in retrospect, that this was perhaps, a bad deal. But the good news is that he’ll have plenty of time to learn how to make prison hooch.

Stedman is also upset that his social life fell by the wayside after his publicized role in the insurrection. He’s no longer able to enjoy old wedding videos because he’s no longer friends with any of his fellow groomsmen. And that wine club, founded by his dad 40 years ago — he’s been kicked to the curb there as well. But I’m quite sure he’ll make friends in prison. Especially if he builds a still.

Before the verdict was read, Stedman was the very picture of confidence, especially since he took the stand in his own defense.

He was even cheesy enough to beg fools, er I mean fans to help with his legal fees, offering “masterclasses” in dating and relationship advice in exchange for any funds because, after all, this dude is a “men’s coach”pa.

And while Stedman asked for prayers, God apparently had other plans for him. Because it took the jury less than a day to convict him on all counts.

So perhaps Stedman will have plenty of time to perfect that prison grog. We’ve all heard that every cloud has a silver lining. Perhaps for Stedman, this is it.

meet the author

Megan has lived in California, Nevada, Arizona, Texas, Louisiana, Mississippi, and Florida and she currently lives in Central America. Living in these places has informed her writing on politics, science, and history. She is currently owned by 15 cats and 3 dogs and regularly owns Trump supporters when she has the opportunity. She can be found on Twitter at https://twitter.com/GaiaLibra and Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/politicalsaurus


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