Politics - News Analysis

Don Jr. Is BIG MAD That He’s Trending on Twitter for the Most Amazing Reason

God FORBID anyone think that Junior has a well-documented, publicly obvious coke problem.

Anyone famous eventually gets their moment in the spotlight on Twitter. And when I say spotlight, I mean, they become a “trending topic,” something you can click on over on the right side of the screen and see what everyone is saying about that particular thing.

Back in July, authorities found what they suspected to be cocaine in the White House. Under testing, it turned out that it was, in fact, the illicit substance.

President Joe Biden and his son were not present when the powder was found. Hunter Biden was immediately suspected as the source by conservatives, but they neglected to take into account the son of the last President and his often manic public appearances. He is famously glassy-eyed and sniffs and rubs his nose constantly, and he rambles like he’s just taken enough to kill a horse.

But with Hunter getting indicted for buying a gun while he was addicted to cocaine, it’s back in the news again. You’d think Junior would be beside himself with glee over someone besides him being associated with coke, but guess who’s trending again.

That’s right, it’s Junior.

“You can’t make this stuff up anymore. Hunter Biden gets indicted yet somehow I’m the one that’s trending here on Twitter. [S]ame thing happened when they found coke in the White House last month. It had to be mine, not the most famous crackhead in America who was actually there.”

Hilariously, however, the “trending” section of X (the new name of Twitter) isn’t necessarily the website telling you “here’s what everyone’s talking about, now you’re interested in it too.” The algorithm of the social media platform takes into account things that you’ve been viewing a lot recently.

That makes sense, then, that Junior would see himself in the trending section, because he probably searches his own name on Twitter a dozen times a day, just looking for a little fix of fame.

How else do you think he came across all the posts about him? He had to have been searching himself. One of the best tweets he would have seen is from user Brando:

meet the author

Andrew is a dark blue speck in deep red Central Washington, writing with the conviction of 18 years at the keyboard and too much politics to even stand. When not furiously stabbing the keys on breaking news stories, he writes poetry, prose, essays, haiku, lectures, stories for grief therapy, wedding ceremonies, detailed instructions on making doughnuts from canned biscuit dough (more sugar than cinnamon — duh), and equations to determine the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow. A girlfriend, a dog, two cats, and two birds round out the equation, and in his spare time, Drewbear likes to imagine what it must be like to have spare time.


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