Politics - News Analysis

The Newest Viral Video From Kyle Rittenhouse Makes Him Look Like More of an Idiot Than EVER (If That’s Even Possible)

This kid is pathetic.

Let’s start this off on the right foot. Everyone knows the famous action character John Wick, a retired hitman portrayed by Keanu Reeves in the film series of the same name, right?

He’s the entirely fictional character who once famously killed 3 men in a bar with a pencil. He is forced out of retirement after the puppy his wife sent him (just before she died of a terminal illness) is killed by Russian mobsters.

They also stole his amazing car.

With that out of the way, I think we can all agree that Kyle Rittenhouse is no John Wick. That pudgy little founding member of the Gravy SEALS couldn’t fight his way through the alphabet with a pencil. Nevertheless, in a now-viral video of him firing yet another great big gun like our musket-bearing Founding Fathers intended, he indeed draws a comparison.

Obviously, the major distinctions are easy: Number one, Wick was retaliating for unforgiveable offenses committed against him directly. Rittenhouse crossed state lines to join a fight that had nothing to do with him.

And number two, John Wick is, as we’ve discussed, fictional, while Kyle is a real person who actually killed real people with real bullets.

I often wonder if that’s what feeds into the neuroses of right-wing gun owners — are they fighting some fictional fight all the time in their heads?

The really ironic part of this video is that the comparison comes as a caption to the video. It reads “I felt like John Wick but I looked like Paul Blart.” Blart is the FAR more accurate comparison, being a chubby, self-important idiot who washed out of training for what he thought he should be doing.

Even in Kenosha, Rittenhouse seemed like a Mall Cop with a gun.

The important takeaway here is that Kyle didn’t compare himself to the people on the plane that took down United Flight 93 to save the US Capitol. No, he compared himself to movie characters

I can’t imagine what was going on in the court’s mind when they acquitted Kyle Rittenhouse. But that fateful decision has only broadened the potential for more would-be vigilantes to do the same and expect to get off scot-free.

Watch the clip here:

People on social media had a field day:

meet the author

Andrew is a dark blue speck in deep red Central Washington, writing with the conviction of 18 years at the keyboard and too much politics to even stand. When not furiously stabbing the keys on breaking news stories, he writes poetry, prose, essays, haiku, lectures, stories for grief therapy, wedding ceremonies, detailed instructions on making doughnuts from canned biscuit dough (more sugar than cinnamon — duh), and equations to determine the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow. A girlfriend, a dog, two cats, and two birds round out the equation, and in his spare time, Drewbear likes to imagine what it must be like to have spare time.


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