close

Politics - News Analysis

Makeup Artists Think They’ve Found the Exact Shade of Eyeliner That JD Vance Wears

The tabloid site Drudge Report had a funny take on Harris' pick for VP.

By

JD Vance is the gift that keeps on giving — to his detractors.

He can’t seem to keep his lips together long enough for people to forget the last dumb thing he said before he moves on to saying the next dumb thing. But Kamala has the perfect foil for him in Governor Tim Walz of Minnesota.

Maybe it’s the fact that Matt Drudge couldn’t immediately come up with anything bad to say about Walz talking, but his headline this morning about Kamala picking Walz as her running mate managed to poke fun at JD Vance at the same time.

I think that may have something to do with Drudge wanting Trump to dump Vance and move on to someone less gaffe-prone and more right-wing oriented.

Either way, the headline was funny: “IT’S WALZ! AND HE DOESN’T WEAR EYELINER! 71% NEVER HEARD OF HIM!”

That can only be good for Democrats, who were desperate for Kamala to pick someone without the kind of baggage that Republicans could cling to the way Democrats have been able to successfully paint Vance as “weird” like Trump.

But the eyeliner jab can’t be credited to Drudge alone. It was a take on Cecily Strong (of SNL fame) and her joke at a recent event supporting Kamala called “Comics for Kamala.”

“JD Vance looks like a composite of every guy that’s called you a b*tch on Bumble.

[Vance] is confusing because his rhetoric wants us to panic about immigrants, but his eyeliner wants us to panic at the disco.”

Indeed, Vance’s makeup person seems to have a heavy hand when it comes to the liquid liner. Either that, or he just has little beady eyes that would make him seem even more weird. Don’t get me wrong — I think you should wear eyeliner if you want. It’s funny that the GOP ticket is so favorable toward cosmetics, but to each their own.

But it’s not just strong who’s been talking about the apparent makeup maven. A week ago, Slate published a piece that quoted an online expert:

“A few days ago, Dana Omari-Harrell of @igfamousbydana, a popular Instagram account that often speculates about what kind of beauty procedures famous people have undergone, posted in regard to Vance, ‘I can’t believe it’s up for debate YES HE WEARS EYELINER.'”

Meanwhile, Governor Walz will continue his daily morning trips to the off-leash area with his dog Scout and go home to his wife of 30 years, Gwen, and wonder how he got so lucky as to have been pitted against the eyeliner guy with a problem with cats and childless women.

Walz has a cat named Honey and two kids, for the record.

And here is what makeup artists think:

@mamasissiesays Be back with regular content soon 😩 #urbandecay #makeup #beauty ♬ original sound – Casey

@skyeleight55 #duet with @Casey #urbandecay #greenscreen FINALLY BECAUSE THIS HAS HAUNTED ME. JD vance absolutely has eyeliner on and his foundation is kinda fire compared to other men I’ve seen wear makeup for TV. I have a super power and it’s telling when politicians on TV have makeup on. This man is sitting there full beat 😂😭😭 There is literally nothing wrong with it I’m just SO CURIOUS what his party has to say about it 🤔 #drag #jdvance #tvmakeup ♬ original sound – Casey

Andrew Simpson
meet the author

Andrew is a dark blue speck in deep red Central Washington, writing with the conviction of 18 years at the keyboard and too much politics to even stand. When not furiously stabbing the keys on breaking news stories, he writes poetry, prose, essays, haiku, lectures, stories for grief therapy, wedding ceremonies, detailed instructions on making doughnuts from canned biscuit dough (more sugar than cinnamon — duh), and equations to determine the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow. A girlfriend, a dog, two cats, and two birds round out the equation, and in his spare time, Drewbear likes to imagine what it must be like to have spare time.

Comments

Comments are currently closed.