Melania Trump is joining the ranks of published authors in the Trump circle. The members of that exclusive club are either friends or enemies, with an ass-kissing tribute or a tell-all exposé of all the scandals in the administration.

Melania’s however, is her life story — a memoir — and it looks like not many people care a whole lot about it.

First of all, she had to resort to a lesser-known publisher to even get the book released. Skyhorse Books is putting the book out on October 1st, in a $35 version. Then, at the end of the month, they’re releasing a special edition $150 version.

But it’s not like she didn’t get all her best pals to say something nice about it in blurbs, the way real writers get. The ahead-of-release quotes for the Amazon sales page came from luminaries like Kellyanne Conway, Dana Perino, and Nikki Haley, who apparently respects Melania still, despite the fact that she’s married to a man that Haley once called “Everything I taught my kids not to do in Kindergarten.”

And speaking of Amazon, let’s see how it’s doing over there, where it’s available for preorder. How’s that entry-level version coming along? Well, as of this writing:

• Best-seller’s List: #35,690
• Traveler and Explorer Biographies: #123
• Political Leader Biographies: #193
• Memoirs (Books): #1,076

Yikes. That’s not a lot of preorders for a former nude model, let alone a former First Lady, and Melania’s got BOTH of those things going for her. By contrast, Michelle Obama has never stripped naked for a camera, and her memoir that came out six years ago is still at #279 in that final ranking, 800 higher than Melania’s.

Well, maybe the preorders for that special edition look better, because, you know, people want a collector’s item or something:

• Nope
• Not a bit better
• Worse, actually
• Wait, #352,827 on the Best-sellers?
• IT’S ALREADY HALF OFF?!?

Seriously. The limited edition one has never touched anyone’s hands and it’s already marked down to $76. Glenn Beck can do better than that.

What’s weirdest is that Republicans aren’t employing their normal tactic in support of Melania. Usually what they do — like they did with Lara Trump’s “hit single” on streaming services — is use supporter donations to buy multiple copies of something so it becomes a “best seller” and then return them all to hit the shelves at Target for 90% off 6 months later.

(Yes, that’s a real thing)

The fact that this book is coming out just before the election could either be great or terrible for the Trump campaign. If it seems moving and warm, it could help portray the Trumps as something other than the gold-plated toilet of a family that they are. But if the fact-checkers turn it inside out and find it’s as fake as Melania’s chest, it may help close the curtains on Trump’s chances.

I’m gonna run out and buy my copy (in 2026, when it’s a quarter at a thrift store).

May your experience reading my book be as enjoyable as the writing process was for me. https://t.co/oyRdt2Ncfn pic.twitter.com/OuwcFGxS9o

— MELANIA TRUMP (@MELANIATRUMP) July 25, 2024