close

Politics - News Analysis

Americans are Furious and Disgusted After Melania Whines That People Are Trying to ‘Silence’ Her Husband

Yes, associate it more with the guy you don't even like. That should sell a few copies.

By

Melania Trump’s path to success seems to have been mapped out by a blind person. She just cannot find her way.

She couldn’t find her way into the US without a special permit. She couldn’t be a successful model without taking off all her clothes. She couldn’t get anyone to remember her name until she married Donald Trump.

And since she committed that last unforced error, she hasn’t stopped doing things exactly the same way, with apparently the same invisible advisor telling her she has to be bad to be good.

Just take her “initiative” as First Lady, the “Be Best” program. No sooner had she announced that bit of oddness than she appeared in public in that bizarre Army green jacket with the hand painted phrase “I Don’t Really Care, Do U?” scrawled on it.

Then she decided to get strange with the decorations at the White House. Then she tried to sell weird Christmas ornaments and digital pictures. Then she acted like a hermit for a few years.

Finally, she spent the entire first half of Trump’s 2024 campaign absolutely acting like she didn’t even know the guy. They barely appeared in public together, what few appearances she did make weren’t directly tied to his campaign, and now she’s on to this book.

Can you guess what I’m going to say about it? It’s weird.

First she tried to pre-sell two different versions of it, one relatively affordable one in paperback and one super expensive one in hardback. Then, when pre-sales failed to materialize, she put the hardback one on sale before it was even out. Wait, what am I saying? NEITHER ONE is out yet.

And we have now come to the second weird video she’s released promoting the title.

In the video, which, like a perfume commercial, seems to be advertising something without telling you what it is, she is the narrator:

“The 2020 election results changed our lives forever. It impacted our quality of life, cost of food, gasoline, safety and even the geopolitical landscape. America is more divided today than ever before. It has become increasingly apparent that there are significant challenges to free speech, as demonstrated by the efforts to silence my husband.”

And then a picture of the book cover. That’s it. No wrap-up to the message. No promise of an explanation or possible solution to the problems she gripes about, just a list of MAGA talking points, left hanging in the air like there wasn’t even a period at the end of the last sentence.

You’ll also note that she says “the 2020 election results” instead of “the outcome of the election.” She doesn’t say that Joe won or Trump lost, just that there were results, and those results made the Uncrustables she buys Donald to eat in the middle of the night more expensive.

I’m just kidding, she doesn’t buy food. She has no idea what food costs, or gas, or anything. Even her husband doesn’t know. He just knows that OTHER people are mad about it, and he needs you to understand it’s not his fault.

If only there weren’t some grand conspiracy to “silence” the loudest mouth in America.

Anyway, good luck with the book, Melania. I’m sure it will do at least as well as the, uh… The um… What was that last thing you sold? Well, that, anyway.

People on Twitter had a field day:

Andrew Simpson
meet the author

Andrew is a dark blue speck in deep red Central Washington, writing with the conviction of 18 years at the keyboard and too much politics to even stand. When not furiously stabbing the keys on breaking news stories, he writes poetry, prose, essays, haiku, lectures, stories for grief therapy, wedding ceremonies, detailed instructions on making doughnuts from canned biscuit dough (more sugar than cinnamon — duh), and equations to determine the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow. A girlfriend, a dog, two cats, and two birds round out the equation, and in his spare time, Drewbear likes to imagine what it must be like to have spare time.

Comments

Comments are currently closed.

Recent Stories

Trending Stories