There’s always something comical about when you make a big production out of something, and then the most important part doesn’t happen. That was the case with Monday’s bizarre launch of the Trump clan’s new cryptocurrency platform, World Liberty Financial.
This already promised to be a hilarious affair, since Donald is notoriously tech-averse. He did claim in his informercial for virtual trading cards that everyone was calling him “The Crypto President,” but it’s doubtful he really even understands how crypto works.
Most people don’t.
In fact, let’s put the boring yet scandalous part of this tale on the table first: Cryptocurrency started as a decentralized way to move and trade money without banks. That’s a noble cause, but the most attractive part about it quickly became the fact that you can do it anonymously.
That means you can trade in all sorts of nefarious things without having your name attached to the transactions.
Numerous alt-right groups and purveyors of conspiracy theories, shelter schemes, tactical gear, and other items and services that you “don’t want the government to know about” have adopted it as their preferred form of monetary exchange.
Trump wasn’t going to miss out on something like that. If he can move money without anyone seeing where it’s going, he’s on board. Heck, if he’d known about it in 2016, we might not even know the name Stormy Daniels.
But Trump writes checks for his sex, like an octogenarian might write one at the grocery store for buttermilk and laxatives.
ANYWAY, the pinnacle of this whole thing was supposed to be his wunderkind, Barron, savvy in all things tech. In the organization of the family crypto business, Barron earned the designation “DeFi Visionary” (DeFi is decentralized finance, the technical term for fake money that’s going to implode and be worthless one day).
Barron was a no-show for the highly-touted livestream of the launch on X. Well actually, he was there, but Donald wouldn’t shut up so Barron left. “He’s not here anymore,” said Farokh Sarmad, the crypto entrepreneur who hosted the livestream on X. “We took too long. We’re gonna try and get him back.” It would have marked Barron’s first major speaking role in public.
“Damned teenagers,” laughed his older brother Don Jr., as the organizers tried to get Barron on the line. Eric was there, too, but nobody really talks about that guy much.
World Liberty Financial is being billed as “a place where investors can borrow, lend, and make interest on crypto,” according to tech reporters.
The guy behind the deal, however, explained the aspect of it that might attract Donald Trump all the way back in 2018, in a video released during a time when the man was calling himself “the dirtbag of the internet.”
Chase Herro is that man, and his succinct description of the possibilities of crypto says it all, as far as why a Trump might get involved.
“You can literally sell sh*t in a can, wrapped in p*ss, covered in human skin, for a billion dollars if the story’s right, because people will buy it,” Herro said in video, from the driver’s seat of a Rolls-Royce. “I’m not going to question the right and wrong of all that.”
Yep, that sounds like a Trump venture.
Although Barron was MIA for the livestream, his dad still talked him up. “Barron knows so much about this, Barron’s a young guy, but he knows,” Trump said. “He talks about his ‘wallet,’ he’s got four wallets or something, and I’ll say ‘what is a wallet?’”
I doubt anyone reading this is going to rush out and pour their money into a Donald Trump financial scheme, but in case you’re curious: A wallet is just a device or app that lets you access whatever cryptocurrency you have — BitCoin, Dogecoin, etc.
The saddest part for me in what will surely be a hilarious anecdote after dad calms down from being made to look like an idiot during the livestream is that if Barron had shown up, he would have made his father look even dumber. Barron could tell Trump that you have to stuff a grilled cheese in your Blu-Ray player to program it and Trump would be covered in freshly-unwrapped Kraft American for a week.
“Crypto is one of those things we have to do,” Trump told listeners to the livestream. “Whether we like it or not, I have to do it.”
I have a sneaking feeling that he doesn’t like it, because he doesn’t understand it. He understands loans — which you can lie for on an application. He’s no stranger to that. But a loan in cryptocurrency can sometimes require collateral up to 100% of the loan’s value.
Trump getting a loan like that anytime soon doesn’t look all that likely. And that’s probably a very, very good thing.
Trump’s youngest son Barron, 18, was nowhere to be found when it came time for him to speak, some two hours into the meandering promotional for World Liberty Financial, which even Trump’s crypto sector allies reportedly think is a stupid idea.https://t.co/1bGTR2Eh7M [1]
— Lise Latulippe Fully Vaccinated and Boosted (@lise_latulippe) September 18, 2024 [2]