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Trump Mocked Mercilessly for Having a Meltdown as People Leave His Rally Early, ‘He’s Falling Apart!’

His speech in Michigan was an absolute doozy.

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Apparently getting all jacked up on whatever he took before his Walker, Michigan rally yesterday wasn’t enough for Donald Trump. It wasn’t enough for him to stumble his way through a speech he was an hour late starting, then slur his words as he told lie after laughable lie.

No, Donnie had to stand there in front of God and everyone and tell his audience that what they were watching happen right before their eyes wasn’t actually happening.

When Trump predictably got to the part about crowd size — a topic he hasn’t been able to leave alone for the last 18 days — he did something that was absolutely impossible to explain.

He pointed to some people in the crowd who were leaving, said “The people that you see leaving?” as if to call the audience’s attention to them, and then said “Nobody ever leaves.”

That’s bizarre. See these words you’re reading? They’re not actually words. They’re expressions of disbelief at how absolutely bonkers Donald Trump is.

Let me explain something. These people that you see leaving? [Points back and forth rapidly at people leaving] Cause nobody ever leaves. And when they do, I finish up quick, believe me.

And I couldn’t take pictures at the beginning. So I take them at the end sometimes, if I’m late, the plane gets late, you get delayed, lots of things happen, there’s a little hurricane going on in Florida as you know.

And so, what they do is they say ‘Oh, please come up now,’ at the end of my speech, I say “DON’T DO THAT!’ Because it looks like they’re leaving.

Read that as many times as you like. Then we’ll recap. Let’s see, where are we at this point? Oh yeah:

  • Those people are leaving
  • Nobody leaves
  • People do leave, but when they leave I finish up so it looks like I was done anyway

I think I’m up to speed now.

Social media caught on to the “discrepancy” between reality and Trumpworld pretty fast. “Don’t believe your own eyes or ears, just believe me,” said one commenter. “They’re all just going to the bathroom at the same time,” said another.

Maybe my favorite one was the one I actually read in Trump’s voice: “Trust me, they’re leaving.”

The whole thing sounds like a comedy routine. “I don’t breathe. And when I do breathe, I only inhale, never exhale. But if I do exhale, which I don’t, it’s only so I can breathe, and there’s room for me to inhale again. Which of course, I don’t need to do because I don’t breathe.”

Watch the comic relief yourself:

Andrew Simpson
meet the author

Andrew is a dark blue speck in deep red Central Washington, writing with the conviction of 18 years at the keyboard and too much politics to even stand. When not furiously stabbing the keys on breaking news stories, he writes poetry, prose, essays, haiku, lectures, stories for grief therapy, wedding ceremonies, detailed instructions on making doughnuts from canned biscuit dough (more sugar than cinnamon — duh), and equations to determine the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow. A girlfriend, a dog, two cats, and two birds round out the equation, and in his spare time, Drewbear likes to imagine what it must be like to have spare time.

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