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Trump Brags About His ‘Beautiful Body’ Again, This Time to Disastrous Results

Posted By Andrew Simpson On In 2024 Election,Funny,Opinion,Politics - News Analysis | No Comments

You may have noticed a recurring theme in some of my articles lately. I’ve been remarking on all of the recurring themes in Donald Trump rallies. A few times, I’ve compared his “greatest hits” to a set list that a band plays while they’re on tour.

He rarely changes his set list, but when he finds a new hit single, he plays it to death.

Just this year, we’ve seen some hits come and go: Hannibal Lecter, Too Big To Rig, Never Surrender, Greater Than Ever Before, Legal Infanticide, They’re Eating The Pets, and of course Immigrant Invasion. See? Doesn’t that even SOUND like the track listing off his third record?

I mean, he’d have to be some kind of pop-punk-metal-glam-80s hair band, but still. You can see the tired roadies cleaning up after his shows in your head right now.

Now he’s added a new song, and people are covering their ears. The title of his new track is “Beautiful Body,” and he’s played it a few times now, usually prefacing it with some reference to the beach. A performer really has to set the stage, and Trump wants you thinking about him in skimpy beach attire, even if we are fully into fall at this point.

“I didn’t have to be here. I could be in a beautiful beach,” he told the crowd at a Pennsylvania rally this week. “I could be in a gorgeous beach somewhere in the world. The sun beaming down in this beautiful body in a bathing suit.”

Now, never mind that Pennsylvanians have to cross New Jersey, home of Trump’s luxury Bedminster Wife Cemetery, to get to the nearest beach. He’s not asking them to imagine the beach, it’s the beautiful body he wants them focused on.

Well, that, and the fact that he’s rich enough to do whatever he wants, but he chooses to sacrifice his precious time saving the world by holding these concerts rallies.

This little number doesn’t hit quite as hard as the other standbys, though, it turns out. Probably because people are too busy throwing up in their mouths to really listen to what he’s saying.

Yeah, that’s what I thought.

Wait, that tweet looks out of place without the video that the poster was referring to before it. Cue the radio announcer voice, “Let’s hear that number one single one more time, this is DONALD TRUMP with BEAUTIFUL BODY!”

Gee, Donnie. There’s Lake Erie, I guess? You could hold a rally there and still be in the swing state you want to win so badly, but that Kamala’s leading in. I mean, live your dreams, right?

Here’s the problem, though: