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Matt Gaetz’s Right-Wing TV News Debut Sparks Online Debate Over His Radically Different Face: ‘Almost a Real Housewife’

This is ridiculous.

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It’s hard to believe that One America News Network, the right-wing channel that popped up in the tabloid Washington Times building 11 years ago, actually followed through with their job offer to Matt Gaetz.

After all, the House ethics report that the Republican-led Ethics Committee voted to release two days before Christmas painted the former congressman as something a lot worse than a grinch. The conclusion of that official investigation has a sentence that should preclude any person from ever getting a job again:

“The Committee determined there is substantial evidence that Representative Gaetz violated House Rules and other standards of conduct prohibiting prostitution, statutory rape, illicit drug use, impermissible gifts, special favors or privileges, and obstruction of Congress.”

None of that landed him in jail, though, so it’s off to TV-Land for the Florida Man (as he describes himself in his social media bio).

But his premiere on Friday, during which he was slated to interview a few current members of Congress who were not planning to vote in favor of Rep. Mike Johnson to be House Speaker, turned heads for reasons other than his guests. His face looked so different from what people were used to that he got jabs from every corner of the internet.

Now, I’m not usually the guy to remark on someone’s looks as a negative about their career. I don’t think physical appearance has much to do with how well someone can do their job, unless they’re in, say, adult entertainment or something. But that doesn’t mean I’m not judgy. I’m as likely as any man to say that Sandra Bullock’s still gorgeous at 60 years old, or as likely as any woman to say that, if I swung that way, I wouldn’t kick Idris Elba out of bed for eating crackers.

And I’ve always been of the opinion that Matt Gaetz looks like he was ugly before he was mauled by a pack of wild dogs.

I know that’s unkind, but the man doesn’t have a forehead, he has a six- or seven-head. He looks like the features in the middle of his face all huddled together in fear of his cheeks and brow. He looks like a cartoon, is what I’m saying.

The NEW Matt? Yikes.

Even the Founder and President of “Gays Against Groomers,” a far-right group of self-loathing anti-LGBTQ members of the LGBTQ community, commented negatively on Matt’s OAN launch:

And when I say nobody was kind about his appearance, I mean even more right-wingers made fun of him. There were plenty on the left who mocked him, of course, with comments like “However much you might despise Matt Gaetz, his makeup person has you beat.” But I couldn’t stop reading the comments from people who are FANS of his:

Gaetz had already guest-hosted for rival channel Newsmax in the past, so the AT&T-backed OAN gig wasn’t surprising as the logical step down. Newsmax has very nearly secured its reputation as the new Fox News as the media moves steadily to the right, and they would no longer have him after the ethics report came out.

OAN, however, will take just about anyone, it turns out. Even if they have sex with underage girls and pay them for it.

Compared to Gaetz’s shocking appearance, his guests were milquetoast at best. Thomas Massie came on the show to rail against Speaker Mike Johnson, and even his fiery rhetoric couldn’t tear people’s eyes away from the spectacle between the host’s neck and the top of his head. Gaetz even had the moderately attractive MAGA theater-grope-queen from Colorado, Lauren Boebert on the show, and viewers didn’t so much as bat an eye at her excuse for flip-flopping on the Speaker vote again.

I don’t know if it’s Botox, as many on social media speculated, or what. But Matt Gaetz is a horrorshow, and I hope to see fewer pictures of him in the future.

Andrew Simpson
meet the author

Andrew is a dark blue speck in deep red Central Washington, writing with the conviction of 18 years at the keyboard and too much politics to even stand. When not furiously stabbing the keys on breaking news stories, he writes poetry, prose, essays, haiku, lectures, stories for grief therapy, wedding ceremonies, detailed instructions on making doughnuts from canned biscuit dough (more sugar than cinnamon — duh), and equations to determine the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow. A girlfriend, a dog, two cats, and two birds round out the equation, and in his spare time, Drewbear likes to imagine what it must be like to have spare time.

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