I know you guys expected Trump to burst out of the gate like a buckin’ bronco with a boatload of tough-guy proclamations and just a litany of lies about having the biggest electoral mandate in American history. But I’m not sure you’re ready for the memo that the White House sent out via email today.

It’s been one week exactly since Trump was inaugurated, and since there’s no way that Trump was going to get bogged down with any silly “Holocaust Remembrance Day” or anything like that, he decided to celebrate his weekiversary with the most ludicrous memo you can imagine.

He really set the tone right in the intro to the email, declaring he’d already accomplished more “than most presidents do over their full term.”

President Donald J. Trump’s first full week back in office was the most significant in modern history, punctuated by strong, swift action to correct course after four years of disaster.

In just one week, President Trump took more than 300 executive actions, secured more than a trillion dollars in U.S. investment, oversaw a significant drop in illegal border crossings, deported criminal illegal alien rapists, gang members, and suspected terrorists, and restored common sense to the government.

In just one week, President Trump has done more to usher in the Golden Age of America than most presidents do over their full term. As the New York Post put it, President Trump “is already hitting the ground running as his first 100 days in office are off to a historic start” — and the best is yet to come.

I mean, of COURSE it was the most significant. Not the way he means it, but it certainly was. After all, on the very first day, he undertook the important tasks of making sure we call people with pee-pees boys; pardoning literal, actual, Nazis wearing concentration camp merch as they terrorized the US Capitol; overturning a Constitutional amendment by saying so; renaming two geographical landmarks so racists would like them better; and pulling out of two major global agreements on climate and health.

But that’s just the intro. You can read the entirety of the memo here, which contains items ranging from the laughably false to the dangerously misleading:

As you peruse the memo, you might notice something striking and simultaneously unsurprising about all of the sources listed for articles to back up the memo’s claims. Notably, every single one of them is a hard-right news outlet or personality.

I honestly wouldn’t doubt for a moment that Fox News, the Washington Times, and Breitbart got all of their talking points directly from Donald Trump and his legal team themselves.

As the New York Post put it, “This newspaper is owned by Rupert Murdoch, the Fox News dude. We’re gonna print whatever Donald Trump TELLS us to print.”

Okay, so that’s not an exact quote. You get the picture, though.