We recall a line in Stephanie Winston-Wolkoff’s book that describes Melania’s “no-lose” position with respect to the coming election. If Trump wins, Melania continues to hold his mushroom moldy balls in a jar, able to demand whatever she wants, lest on any given day he finds himself divorced before noon when he shows up at the office and Melania is already across the street in Black Lives Matter Plaza halfway through a press conference to answer all questions about why she wanted out. “Let me tell you about the real Donald …”

We all know that Vladimir Putin owns Donald Trump. But at least one other Eastern European holds a 50% share, ensuring joint control of the asset. Melania is sitting just as pretty as Vlad if Trump wins.

But if Donald loses, Winston-Wolkoff assures us that Melania will land on her ass. Specifically, her ass will be planted on a deck chair in the south of France, with her face hidden under a wide-brimmed hat, where Melania will do what she’s always dreamed of doing, “absolutely nothing,” in Winston-Wolkoff’s all-too-believable words.

Unlike this country, Mel’s got nothing to lose.

So maybe that’s why we never see Melania out on the campaign trail gazing at Donald like he’s a big orange sherbert cone on a hot day. She is never on the trail. Melania didn’t immigrate to America to spend her time in Wisconsin, that’s for damned sure. Recall that this is the woman who needed the White House renovated to her specifications before she’d leave a certain twenty-block radius of Manhattan. Her idea of roughing it in “real America” is camping at Mar-a-Lago. She isn’t going to be caught dead in the middle of a hanger at an airport in Oshkosh.

Melania prefers to be properly pampered at spas. Be Best, you know?

In Winston-Wolkoff’s new book “Melania and Me,” the author describes a time she went to a Trump rally in Florida. It was February 2017, after Trump was already president, and Trump was holding his “Thank you” rallies…unable to give up the applause and adulation he gets from his supporters.

The entire Wolkoff family was in Florida staying at Mar-a-Lago with the Trumps on Presidents’ Day weekend.

Melania asked Winston-Wolkoff if she wanted to go to the rally to “experience the craziness”. Or, as Melania suggested, she could just go to the spa at Mar-a-Lago.

Melania then said (via text, she loves emojis), “Guess u prefer spa 😜 as I would.😃”

I mean, this isn’t exactly a surprise? Melania isn’t exactly the rally type, with the yelling, the red MAGA hats and the white trash.

Winston-Wolkoff did attend the rally, as did Melania and the entire Trump family.

And Melania read the Lord’s Prayer which was apparently a big deal:

.@FLOTUS opens her remarks with the Lord's Prayer. pic.twitter.com/z0Vk6znjL8

— Fox News (@FoxNews) February 18, 2017

And for the record, Winston-Wolkoff did attend the rally, and she loved it. As she watched Melania recite the Lord’s Prayer, she wrote, “I couldn’t stop smiling at how far she’d come since we first met, how far we’d come as friends. And now we got to share this almost unimaginable experience with our kids.”