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Conservatives Lose Their Dang Minds Over ‘Mr. Potato Head’ Going Gender Neutral: ‘Time for Republican States to Secede!’

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“Mr. Potato Head” was canceled today by woke progressives. From now on Mr. Potato Head will be called Mr. Sweet Potato Head and he will dress in matching clothes with a sort of “cheddar curious” vibe.

Sorry, we kid.

Woke progressives didn’t cancel anything today, but Hasbro – the toy company, will drop the “Mr. Potato Head” thing and just have “Potato Head.” This is 21st Century woke marketing at its zenith, trying to confuse kids into never assuming gender. It will be a great social experiment. Or, it’s just a fcking toy company that wants to market “Potato Head” to boys and girls and the private company believes it will sell more potatoes if they just market it as a potato!

Maybe “woke” progressives had fck-all to do with it, since no one was calling on Hasbro to stop being such legacy-thinkers. And maybe it was merely a boardroom decision trying to maximize profits? And besides, is a potato’s gender the hill conservatives want to die on? YES, conservatives see your damned agenda and aren’t playing anymore.

It would have been ten times better if Hasbro had made a Sean Hannity-Gay Eye of Potato. They are furious, damn it!

Right.

Which states are Republican, by the way? Georgia? Arizona? And this is over a potato? A toy potato? (Not one of those really good loaded ones with the chives and sour cream, which – ironically, cost more than Mr. Potato Head, we mean Potato Head, and might be a better reason to secede).

Yes:

Again, has anyone actually asked Hasbro as to why they did this? It would be really cool if they did it to get Republicans to secede but we just don’t think that’s what is going on here.

No to ruin a great story, though:

She might be onto something. “Come on, Person” sounds kind of like “Fck you! Conservatives.” But we are glad that Lauren Boebert is right on top of the situation.

Megyn, be careful. This is an area that usually leads to you being canceled. That or outright racism.

No, Piers, imagine being so fragile that you’re really bothered by a private company wanting to change the branding of a fcking potato!

Jesus, these people.

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Peace, y’all
Jason
[email protected] and on Twitter @JasonMiciak

Jason Miciak
meet the author

Jason Miciak is a political writer, features writer, author, and attorney. He is originally from Canada but grew up in the Pacific Northwest. He now enjoys life as a single dad raising a ridiculously-loved young girl on the beaches of the Gulf Coast. He is very much the dreamy mystic, a day without learning is a day not lived. He is passionate about his flower pots and studies philosophical science, religion, and non-mathematical principles of theoretical physics. Dogs, pizza, and love are proof that God exists. "Above all else, love one another."

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