Politics - News Analysis

Trump-Supporting Florida Woman Threatens the FBI if They Dare to Probe Her for Capitol Riots

Some of us with kids are challenged by one of their games (apparently they are ahead of us in memes), the challenge is to input “Florida man” and your birthday. Then look at the first five entries from news sites as to the craziest shit you could ever see. So it appears that the kids might have led the way in the “Florida man” meme. Typical.

But we can absolutely take it to “Florida Woman,” and this is an instant classic. From the Miami Times, which starts out with an ass-kicking set-up.

Palming a bottle of Jack Daniel’s Tennessee Fire, Palm Beach County resident Suzanne Ellen Kaye filmed a TikTok video last month explaining that she was on the FBI’s radar after allegedly taking a trip to Washington, D.C., on the date of the insurrection at the U.S. Capitol.

“Hi friends. I’m here to let you know I need to drink,” Kaye said before taking a swig from the bottle. “Just got a call from the FBI. They want to come talk to me about my visit to D.C. on January 6th.”

So far so good. The bottle of Jack makes it art. But typical MAGA ruins everything by sounding like the violent and volatile people that we want arrested and on the prison system’s radar.

“I’m an American. I know my fucking rights,” she said in the video. “My First Amendment rights to free speech, my Second Amendment right to carry a gun, to shoot your fcking ass if you come to my house. So fuck you!”

Those of us fortunate enough to have gone to an upper tier law school, or anyone having taking high school civics, knows that technically, one doesn’t have the right to “shoot your fcking ass if you…” go to her house with an arrest warrant because, again – technically, you don’t have the right to attempt a coup at the Capitol.

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This is a great representation of the entitled white person, man or woman, who believes that she can do all this without consequences. Granted, she appears drunk of her ass, so that might get taken into consideration. But she won’t get the MAGA stench out, no matter how much she smells like Jack.

“Florida woman.” Arrest her. And add her to the February birthdays. It will be treasured by the kids. They know their rights.

Peace, y’all
[email protected] and on Twitter @JasonMiciak

meet the author

Jason Miciak is a political writer, features writer, author, and attorney. He is originally from Canada but grew up in the Pacific Northwest. He now enjoys life as a single dad, writing from the beaches of the Gulf Coast, getting advice from his beloved daughter and teammate. He is very much the dreamy mystic that cannot add and loves dogs more than most people. He also likes studying cooking, theoretical physics, cosmology, and quantum mechanics. He likes pizza.


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