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Capitol Rioter is Whining That His Ankle Bracelet Impacts His Ability to Play Basketball

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January 6th defendant Joshua Doolin has some concerns he would like to share. He is upset about having to wear an ankle bracelet.

Evidently, some of these [white] defendants awaiting trial for their January 6th crimes were under the impression that some people found ankle bracelets to be near unnoticeable, maybe somewhat stylish, a big nothing. Like a fancy accessory.

And when one gets right down to it, they are a very fancy accessory and highly stylish when the alternative is waiting in jail for one’s trial, which – if one thinks that there’s some discomfort playing basketball in an ankle bracelet, try the discomfort of sleeping in a jail, where there are very few good basketball games to be played.

All of these complaints are coming from one Joshua Doolin, who finds the ankle bracelet to cause him uncomfortable blisters when he plays basketball (Not to mention decreasing his vertical, we’re sure)) Sometimes it helps to flip the switch a bit and try to imagine a young black man out on bond awaiting trial, and he has to wear an ankle bracelet but tells the judge that it really hurts when he pursues his passion, ski-jumping.

One thing they do allow in prison is regular exercise. One can sit in their cell – without an ankle bracelet! – and do push-ups and sit-ups all day long. In fact, we might have just stumbled upon the answer We are obviously not the judges, who do this for a living (and most are actually pretty good) and so we trust that the right decision will be made.

But we are a little tired of hearing arguments made that one would never hear from other criminals. Perhaps if they realized that they are, actually, criminals – it might move things along a little better.

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[email protected] and on Twitter @JasonMiciak

Jason Miciak
meet the author

Jason Miciak is a political writer, features writer, author, and attorney. He is originally from Canada but grew up in the Pacific Northwest. He now enjoys life as a single dad raising a ridiculously-loved young girl on the beaches of the Gulf Coast. He is very much the dreamy mystic, a day without learning is a day not lived. He is passionate about his flower pots and studies philosophical science, religion, and non-mathematical principles of theoretical physics. Dogs, pizza, and love are proof that God exists. "Above all else, love one another."

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