Politics - News Analysis

MAGA Politician Solves Rise in Sea Levels: Take the Boats Out of the Water

“The sea is the same as it has been since before men ever went on it in boats.” – Ernest Hemingway

It is hard to get a MAGA candidate to acknowledge that rising sea levels are a problem. Perhaps instead of Senators spending July 4th in Moscow, their time might be better spent in Greenland, watching it get greener every year as the ice melts into the sea.

There are entire Marshall Islands – U.S. soil – disappearing, at least as soil, in the Pacific, as storms drive the ocean right over them. There is an entire state, a red one governed by the MAGIEST governor in existence in Ron DeSantis, that would find itself a much smaller state with an even bigger alligator issue if we don’t do something about climate change and rising seas.

Trump probably thinks that all it takes is a bigger wall, and since Haitians are now refugees fleeing horrors, maybe he’ll add Florida to that wall thing, that’ll take care of the problem.

We haven’t even mentioned the acidity, which is – and this seems impossible – an almost harder problem driven by climate change than rising sea levels. At least with rising sea levels we can just push the cities back or jack them up a bit.

But now we have a MAGA concerned about sea-level rise, his name is Scott Pio and he is up against Democratic Delegate David Reid in Virginia’s Loudoun County’s District 32. He posed an interesting idea:

“I’m curious, Do you think the sea level would lower, if we just took all the boats out of the water? Just a thought, not a statement.”

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First of all, to the extent it’s a thought, it’s a question, no one will confuse it with a statement. Second, it is very tempting to think that Pio was just joking around and will accuse Democrats of not having a sense of humor, except that he quickly deleted the tweet.

And when Blue Virginia went blue in the lips from laughing so hard, Pio wrote:

“When you take things out of bath water, the bath water decreases, does it not? Got a lot of hate from your group for asking a question about taking things out of the water. Curious when you stopped believing in pure physics? I guess you don’t believe in science experiments?”

No, no, no. We do believe in science and that is how we know that this “thought” is exactly right. Taking all the boats out of the water would lower sea levels. The fact that it would likely lower sea level far less than the width or a quark, far less, is beside the point, it would lower sea levels.

Physics! And welcome to science, MAGAs! Idiots.

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[email protected] and on Twitter @JasonMiciak

meet the author

Jason Miciak is a political writer, features writer, author, and attorney. He is originally from Canada but grew up in the Pacific Northwest. He now enjoys life as a single dad, writing from the beaches of the Gulf Coast, getting advice from his beloved daughter and teammate. He is very much the dreamy mystic that cannot add and loves dogs more than most people. He also likes studying cooking, theoretical physics, cosmology, and quantum mechanics. He likes pizza.

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