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The World Unites in a New Sport: Enjoying Watching All the Russian Yachts, Jets and Condos Get Seized

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We would like the record to reflect that we wrote about the seizure of Alisher Usmanov’s prized $600 million, 512 foot long yacht, the biggest in the world, about six hours before Biden announced it in his speech. (Yes, that’s over a half billion for a boat, and no, it doesn’t carry a U.S. Naval fighter wing, Usmanov must just like to fish.) We’re not clairvoyant, we only seem that way when monitoring Twitter so closely and we like to wonder; “Isn’t it heartbreaking to think of all the good that a $600 million could do for struggling parents all over the world, but particularly in Ukraine?”

President Biden did not read our article or he would have announced that the U.S. Navy would begin exercises in the next week, sinking every damned one that they can find.

Speaking of finding things, such as yachts, jets, luxury condos, all those goodies that Russian oligarchs buy when they don’t care at all about the other people in the world. According to Rawstory:

On Wednesday, Attorney General Merrick Garland announced “Task Force KleptoCapture” to enforce sanctions against Russia.

“The Justice Department will use all of its authorities to seize the assets of individuals and entities who violate these sanctions,” Garland said. “We will leave no stone unturned in our efforts to investigate, arrest, and prosecute those whose criminal acts enable the Russian government to continue this unjust war. Let me be clear: if you violate our laws, we will hold you accountable.”

The task force will have staff from the FBI; U.S. Marshals Service, U.S. Secret Service; Department of Homeland Security–Homeland Security Investigations; IRS–Criminal Investigation; and the U.S. Postal Inspection Service.

But just because the United States government has gotten in on the action and formed a task force doesn’t prevent people from all over the world from reporting airplanes, condos, diamonds the size of golf balls, and such. After all, this actually got started by some private parties:

There is even a hashtag, of course, there is a hashtag: #YachtWatch.

But again, and we cannot emphasize this enough, as President Biden said, the yachts are the most conspicuous because they’re big and hard to move fast. But let’s say you run into a 757 with gold toilets and the letters T-R-U-M-P on the side, odds are, it is owned by a Russian oligarch, in a manner of speaking.

The world is united behind Ukraine and against Russia, no significant asset is safe and they damned well know it. And, we’ll say it again, “seizure” shouldn’t mean that they’ll get it back. These people are some of the world’s most ruthless criminals and would have someone thrown off their yacht while eating lunch. Every asset sought has been purchased with money stolen from the Russian people. So, let them know, they’re gone, for good, all of it. If they have some money left over they can try starting up again.

And don’t forget, the German’s seized this beauty. Once Ukraine wins this war, they should get the yacht, sell that beast, and use the money to help the people harmed by Russia’s disgusting aggression:

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[email protected] and with Nicole Hickman

Jason Miciak
meet the author

Jason Miciak is a political writer, features writer, author, and attorney. He is originally from Canada but grew up in the Pacific Northwest. He now enjoys life as a single dad raising a ridiculously-loved young girl on the beaches of the Gulf Coast. He is very much the dreamy mystic, a day without learning is a day not lived. He is passionate about his flower pots and studies philosophical science, religion, and non-mathematical principles of theoretical physics. Dogs, pizza, and love are proof that God exists. "Above all else, love one another."

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