Politics - News Analysis

Officer Fanone GOES OFF: Says Kevin McCarthy is a ‘F**king Weasel B*tch with a Fake Spray-On Tan’

In a must-read, powerful piece in Rolling Stone, Michael Fanone unleashes some very justified anger.

While attempting to protect these very same Republicans who have earned his wrath, Fanone underwent the most grievous injuries directly from the attack. Officer Sicknick had a stroke that doctors said the attack played a role in, but Fanone’s injuries were all connected to the attack and very serious.

Fanone was beaten with pipes and the pole of a Blue Lives Matter flag, tazed at the base of his skull, suffered a heart attack and a traumatic brain injury, and had to cry out “I got kids” before losing consciousness for more than four minutes.

And now he wants to speak to the Republicans that brought the attack on and begins with, “Fck these people, Fck all of them,” and according to Rolling Stone: (We separate into paragraphs for readability, it’s one long paragraph in the article:

Like, fck, for instance, the 21 House Republicans who voted against awarding the Congressional Gold Medal to officers who defended the Capitol on Jan. 6. Well, when Fanone got a load of that shit, he called up his friend Harry Dunn — a Capitol Police officer who had testified with Fanone during the congressional hearings in July 2021 — and the two decided to pay a little visit to every one of those House Republicans (“I was like, ‘I’ve got nothing better to do today. I’m going to go annoy some people on Capitol Hill’”).

Speaking of those visits, fck the “fcking fat fck” chief of staff who had the gall to ask to see Dunn’s badge that day (“I was like, ‘Here’s my badge number: One,’” says Fanone, holding up his middle finger. “I eat that shit for breakfast”).

“Fck Marjorie Taylor Greene (“Put her in the tinfoil-hat brigade”) and Andrew Clyde (“When confronted in person, he fucking folded like a fcking deck of cards”) and Matt Gaetz (“I mean, dude, there’s a constituency out there somewhere in America that elected Matt Gaetz and decided that guy somehow embodied what it is to be a real red-blooded American. A fcking pedo. I don’t get it”).

Fck Josh Hawley. “He comes down there, flashes the sign of solidarity, riles up this fucking crowd,” Fanone says of Hawley’s actions during the insurrection. “I would’ve had more respect for him if he said, ‘Charge,’ and fcking rushed the first fcking group of police officers that he could possibly fucking find. But he didn’t. He ran like a bitch as fast as he fcking could to the closest safe room in the fucking Capitol building.”

And definitely, definitely fck Kevin McCarthy, who, as Fanone describes in the first chapter of his memoir, Hold the Line (out Oct. 11), lied and deflected his way through a meeting with Fanone and Jan. 6 casualty Brian Sicknick’s mother — the dead man’s mother, for fck’s sake! — as he nixed any chance of a bipartisan Jan. 6 commission because of so-called political factors.

Then there was this line about McCarthy that is simply perfect, “And they’ve got to adorn the wall of this fucking weasel bitch named Kevin McCarthy, with his fake fucking spray-on tan, whose fucking claim to fame, at least in my eyes, is the fact that he amassed a collection of Donald Trump’s favorite-flavored Starburst, put them in a Mason jar, and presented them to fucking Donald Trump. What the fuck, dude?”

Not much more to say. Except the story is excellent as it progresses. But Michael Fanone gets to talk about whatever he wants. Just like a wounded vet, but his injuries were inflicted by American civilians, goaded on by Republicans in Congress. Fck that.

And in case you forgot what Fanone went through:


[email protected], @JasonMiciak, with Nicole Hickman

meet the author

Jason Miciak is a political writer, features writer, author, and attorney. He is originally from Canada but grew up in the Pacific Northwest. He now enjoys life as a single dad raising a ridiculously-loved young girl on the beaches of the Gulf Coast. He is very much the dreamy mystic, a day without learning is a day not lived. He is passionate about his flower pots and studies philosophical science, religion, and non-mathematical principles of theoretical physics. Dogs, pizza, and love are proof that God exists. "Above all else, love one another."


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