The LGBTQ-phobic family who fled Canada because they didn’t want to be “woke” have wound up being woke anyway. In the rudest way possible. And yes, due to their own stupidity. Arend and Anneesa Feenstra picked up sticks, grabbed their eight kids and fled to Russia because they “saw pride flags on the streets of Saskatchewan and decided it was a sign from God that an apocalyptic purge against straight, white, meat-eating Christians was at hand,” writes Wonkette’s Marcie Jones.

It can be safely said that the couple did not do their research. They moved to Russia on a tourist visa, and that’s where the fun comes in. The Feenstras sold their farm and moved to the ultra-Christian land of Nizhny-Novgorod, where they apparently thought the country would welcome them with welcome arms, with citizenship and property to be had.

But the glasnost was short-lived. After “nine glorious weeks of waiting in lines to fill out forms and get blood and urine tests, getting their assets frozen and sleeping 10 people to a one-bedroom apartment with two sick kids and a broken sink,” the Feenstras learned they cannot gain residency without passing a Russian language test. Which means that since their visas will expire soon, they must leave Russia for at least three months before giving residency another shot.

Oops. And the fun increases from there, as Jones notes:

“Flying 10 people out will cost about $10,000, and while they told the Russians they’d bought a return ticket, it’s unclear if they actually did, or to where. They sold their farm and have nowhere in Canada to return to, and now they’ve got no idea where they’ll go next. They miss their farm, where they tapped the maple trees for syrup and made goat cheese and kombucha.”

“Just three weeks ago, in a video entitled “Squash the Western Media with the Truth!!” Arend responded to reports that things hadn’t been going great.”

“‘It’s Western propaganda, designed to keep your eyes off the ball. Your mainstream medias do their thing… Lots of lies. We are perfectly happy here, we are not planning on leaving here, we’re not stuck here, we’re not hostages here, we’re not under some kind of threat.'”

Jones can definitely see the irony of this silly situation that the family has found themselves in. The Feenstras, she writes “traded the freedoms and benefits of life in Canada for the harsh realities of an authoritarian regime.” She references Arend’s earlier statement “Here’s a family who came here, moved here, did it successfully.” Almost. Their story, she notes, “serves as a cautionary tale for anyone tempted to flee the perceived excesses of Western culture for the supposed paradise of Russia.”

But the Arends wanted to move away from them there gay folks, because y’know, they’re just waiting around every maple tree, hoping to grab every God-fearing homo/transphobe and make them forget about the syrup. To Arend and Anneesa’s way of thinking, Russia was the perfect place. After all Russia’s Supreme Court recently designated the “international LGBT movement” as extremist, according to Human Rights Watch. This ruling, handed down on November 30 only became public in mid-January 2024, is a stark indication that many more convictions could follow.

The Supreme Court’s ruling also announced that the rainbow flag was forbidden, calling it a symbol of the LGBTQ movement. Those who fly the flag may be subjected to administrative penalties. This includes one case in Nizhny Novogorod, where a woman wearing rainbow-colored earrings was sentenced to five days of detention after someone accosted her and a friend in a cafe.

I’m guessing the woman in detention wasn’t Anneesa Feenstra.

But I’ve learned something new here: Canadians can be just as dumb as Americans. Who knew?

Here’s knucklehead Arend Feenstra demonstrating why it’s not a good idea to do stupid things in the former Soviet Union.