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Fox News Host Says Trump Is Simply Too Old to Sit in Court, It’s Unhealthy and ‘He Needs Sunlight’

You COULD just place your lips right on his keister, you know.

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As Donald Trump is facing his first criminal trial — and in fact, the first criminal trial against any president ever — his supporters are going crazy. That includes Fox News.

And while Fox may have dismissed their former clown shoe host Tucker Carlson, they do still have Jesse Watters. As an insomniac, I often take a walk outside in the middle of the night, and my 94-year-old neighbor Ruth has Fox News on her television.

Almost invariably, I can hear the strains of Jesse’s voice coming through her window at 4 AM.

But they’re pretty fired up with the trial, and Jesse is no exception.

Yesterday, Watters told the world how badly he felt for the former president, having to sit in court for the trial. He literally said that Trump was like a puppy: “It’s really cruel and unusual punishment to make a man do that. He needs sunlight. And he needs activity. He needs to be walking around. He needs action.”

Okay, so he didn’t compare him to a dog. But he might as well have.

But while we’re at it, let’s compare Jesse to one as well — a lapdog. “Cruel and unusual punishment,” Jesse? Are you kidding?

My goodness, how could a court possibly hold a man accountable for falsifying his finances in order to cover up his extramarital affairs just in time for the 2016 election?

And it’s not like Trump didn’t CHOOSE to be in court for his last two civil trials. He likes the microphone. Heck, he used it yesterday to make a lengthy speech before court.

Jesse’s just mad that this trial is actually one that could cost his hero more than money.

AND, it’s not like Trump didn’t do this to himself. He’s in court for committing a CRIME. He has to sit there because people alleged to have committed a crime have to go to court.

I’m really sorry that you’re so sad about your cult leader, Mr. Watters. But maybe save the crocodile tears for after he’s convicted.

Andrew Simpson
meet the author

Andrew is a dark blue speck in deep red Central Washington, writing with the conviction of 18 years at the keyboard and too much politics to even stand. When not furiously stabbing the keys on breaking news stories, he writes poetry, prose, essays, haiku, lectures, stories for grief therapy, wedding ceremonies, detailed instructions on making doughnuts from canned biscuit dough (more sugar than cinnamon — duh), and equations to determine the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow. A girlfriend, a dog, two cats, and two birds round out the equation, and in his spare time, Drewbear likes to imagine what it must be like to have spare time.

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