Politics - News Analysis

Sweaty Trump Has What Nearly Seems Like a Stroke During Florida Rally, But the Media Barely Bats an Eye

This man must be defeated in November.

We’ve seen how old our government is. I’m not talking about how old the actual chambers of Congress are or the office of the presidency. I mean, the average age of the people who work for us.

Right now in the House, the average age has gone down a bit to “just” 58 years old, largely due to the fact that a bunch of newly-elected members in their first terms got it because they were louder and more racist and sexist than their aged counterparts in key conservative districts, and more brashly progressive and compassionate than their mentors in liberal areas.

Those tended to be the younger ones, but they’re more radical, as the country has become.

The median age in the Senate is more than 65 years old. That’s because there are at least 8 Senators left from the silent generation, born between 1925 and 1945. That’ll skew the numbers, but people are willing to gamble on House seats more than Senate seats because they know that the Senate has disproportionately more power than the House, and voters are loathe to give up guys who “bring home the bacon” for their state in spending bills.

Oh, hey, did you hear the one about bacon from the geezer who’s about to be officially nominated for the GOP ticket? He’s not technically Silent Generation — he was born one year later.

He seems obsessed with the price of bacon. Real bacon, not “pork” in spending bills.

He has variously claimed that the price of bacon has gone up by five times under Joe Biden, then by four times, then back to five.  Did you know that 83% of statistics spouted by Trump are made up on the spot?

Okay, that last part was a joke.

But the bacon thing is a lie. Just like almost everything Trump says at his rallies, he just goes off on wild tangents until he’s somewhere in the weeds, and he has to quickly pivot back to his teleprompter.

Except he can’t even do that properly now, either.

Everyone keeps focusing on Biden’s age. I’ll admit that it gives me pause, and he’s had a few moments that were questionable, like his recent debate performance. But his “things that could be chalked up to being old” pale in comparison with what we’ve even seen from Mitch McConnell, let alone Trump.

We’ve seen Trump “glitch” like McConnell did, freezing for and uncomfortably long time, sure.

But it’s the gibberish that he speaks that really underlines how mentally unfit for office he is. Maybe it’s not actually so bad that our members in both chambers of Congress are so old, as long as they don’t sound like this:

There are two things to note here. This is him coming back to the teleprompter — you can see his eyes scrolling the screen as he reads. But he includes the instructions for how the speech is to be read, and he can’t even pronounce the word “says.” That word does not rhyme with slays, or pays, or days.

America has been playing a game of “Imagine If ______ Had Said That” for years. Go ahead and indulge yourself one more time. Imagine if Biden had done that. It would be on an endless loop in the news cycle.

The scariest part, though, isn’t that Trump is such an idiot. It’s that everyone has become so accustomed to Trump being an idiot that they just say “Well, that’s the way he is,” and they let it slide.

meet the author

Andrew is a dark blue speck in deep red Central Washington, writing with the conviction of 18 years at the keyboard and too much politics to even stand. When not furiously stabbing the keys on breaking news stories, he writes poetry, prose, essays, haiku, lectures, stories for grief therapy, wedding ceremonies, detailed instructions on making doughnuts from canned biscuit dough (more sugar than cinnamon — duh), and equations to determine the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow. A girlfriend, a dog, two cats, and two birds round out the equation, and in his spare time, Drewbear likes to imagine what it must be like to have spare time.


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