close

Politics - News Analysis

Embarrassed Republicans Rush to Cover Up Trump’s Humiliating Mistake at Pennsylvania Rally

This is getting more and more common.

By

When you’re always halfway between an Adderall-fueled frenzy and the cozy comfort of your own little world where everyone loves you, it can be hard to tell what state you’re in.

That apparently goes double for the poster boy of petulant peanut-brains, Donald Trump.

Thankfully, Trump has a Republican apparatus working to shield him from criticism around the clock. There is absolutely nothing that his adoring fans — and even his campaign team — won’t do or say to make him look like less of a putz.

In truth, I miss the good old days of “Nambia” and the like. You just know his speechwriters spent nights awake hoping that nothing happened in Niger while he was president. But that was just him composing anything he didn’t know.

This time, while at a rally in Pennsylvania, Trump instead referred to North Carolina. But, predictably, Trump’s circle of sycophants came to his rescue, saying that he was pointing at some people from the Tar Heel State.

And when I say “predictably,” I mean literally that somebody predicted exactly what would happen:

What was this tweeter referring to? Exactly what we’re discussing here:

As you’ll see, Trump’s campaign quickly jumped in on Twitter and replied to everyone making sure they knew Trump was pointing to PEOPLE from North Carolina.

Imagine working for Trump’s rapid response team and having to be on edge 24/7 waiting for the next horrific or stupid thing Trump says? I would need a Xanax the size of a frisbee to work that job.

Maybe we’re being unfair, though. It turns out there WAS a group of women from North Carolina kind of standing over in that direction. Apparently Trump has groupies that follow him around on tour. These women have been to more than 200 of his rallies, and if they start bringing hacky sacks, he’s gonna have to learn a Dave Matthews song or two.

But even that begs the question: Why are you in Pennsylvania talking up another state?

It stands to reason that if Dave Matthews was in Montana and kept talking about how great California was, it might confuse some rally attendees. And that’s just the people who are in the room to see the groupies he’s pointing at. What about folks who are watching on TV because they can’t afford the gas money to get to Windbag Fest 2024 in person?

The thing is, mentioning North Carolina didn’t stop with just pointing at the group of women who follow him around hoping to be the next woman he claims he never met.

He talked about how Lara, his daughter-in-law, was born “right here in beautiful North Carolina.” He mentioned Eric and Lara’s daughter, CAROLINA, who was apparently named after the state.

When Trump can’t tell what state he’s in, it’s not necessarily always the Sudafed in his desk drawers. Sometimes he literally forgets what state his plane landed in. That’s the generous explanation. Because the other possibility is that he’s just a jerk who doesn’t care what state he’s in, as long as he gets to call Kamala a communist again in front of anyone who’ll listen.

His campaign has 11 weeks to make their case.

The problem is, for them, they have to fawn over him and pretend he’s perfect. They have to fall on their swords when the fact-checkers come, so Trump looks like he was actually making sense.

But he rarely does anymore.

Andrew Simpson
meet the author

Andrew is a dark blue speck in deep red Central Washington, writing with the conviction of 18 years at the keyboard and too much politics to even stand. When not furiously stabbing the keys on breaking news stories, he writes poetry, prose, essays, haiku, lectures, stories for grief therapy, wedding ceremonies, detailed instructions on making doughnuts from canned biscuit dough (more sugar than cinnamon — duh), and equations to determine the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow. A girlfriend, a dog, two cats, and two birds round out the equation, and in his spare time, Drewbear likes to imagine what it must be like to have spare time.

Comments

Comments are currently closed.