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2024 Election

Trump Must Be Terrified About the Debate Because He Just Posted Something So Crazy People Are Shocked, ‘This Reeks of FEAR!’

This is too funny to pass up.

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There’s literally nothing Donald Trump does better than pretending that the world revolves around him.

It’s not like I don’t understand why he does it. Not only was he already self-centered bordering on Narcissistic Personality Disorder before he ever went into politics, but since he joined the world of babykissers and speechmakers, he’s developed a cult following.

If Trump looks orange during a press conference, his supporters act like Nancy Pelosi herself erected a giant filter to put in front of the sun to make him look bad.

So when Kamala Harris made a campaign stop at a pretty famous spice shop in Pittsburgh, Trump’s supporters (in the form of Fox News this time) immediately tried turning it into not only something bigger than it was, but fodder for Trump’s next social media tirade.

Penzey’s Spices made a name for themselves with high-quality products. I don’t say that lightly. This is a current picture of some sitting on my laptop. I just put some of this in some egg salad:

Welcome to my office, which is also my kitchen.

But that’s not what Fox would have you think they’re famous for.

Speaking as though in all caps, Fox’s Will Cain told his Fox and Friends audience that “Vice President Harris is hunkering down in Pittsburgh as she pushes for unity while visiting a spice shop known for mocking Republicans.”

Okay, she isn’t “hunkering.” Going out in public is literally the opposite of hunkering. She did mention unity, which is mostly only achieved through food. Ohhhhh… They make fun of Republicans on their website.

Well, I vote with my dollars, so now that I know that they do that AND make some damn fine spices, I’ll make sure to do exactly what I was doing before, and buy their damn fine spices.

Trump ran with it, though. Not citing anything specific (he’d have had to go to their website for that), Trump blew up on Truth Social.

“Comrade Kamala Harris goes to an ultra Left Wing, Trump Hating, spice shop, which I hear has terrible, overpriced product, and calls for “unity.” As people begin to realize that she is a Marxist, FAR MORE LIBERAL than Crazy Bernie Sanders, or even Elizabeth “Pocahontas” Warren, her poll numbers are beginning to crash. Who are they going to put in next? How about a Biden comeback?”

Okay, first of all, WHAT?

And secondly, i can just see it playing out in Trump’s mind:

FOX: Penzey’s pokes fun at Republicans sometimes and are mean.

TRUMP: COMRADE KAMALA WANTS YOU TO MARCH WITH HER TO THE SAFFRON DEATH CAMPS WHILE SINGING HORRIBLE FOLK SONGS ABOUT YOUR FAVORITE PRESIDENT, DONALD J. TRUMP! CORIANDER LEWANDOWSKI IS GOING TO HEAR ABOUT THIS! SHE’LL BE CRYING SALTY TEARS YOU CAN HEAR ALL THE WAY FROM OREGON-O AFTER I PEPPER THE FLOOR WITH HER AT THE ABCELERY SEED DEBATE!

Okay, sorry for the shouting. That’s kind of fun though, I guess. I can see why Trump makes stuff up in his head.

People on Twitter were just as confused and flabbergasted as we are!

Andrew Simpson
meet the author

Andrew is a dark blue speck in deep red Central Washington, writing with the conviction of 18 years at the keyboard and too much politics to even stand. When not furiously stabbing the keys on breaking news stories, he writes poetry, prose, essays, haiku, lectures, stories for grief therapy, wedding ceremonies, detailed instructions on making doughnuts from canned biscuit dough (more sugar than cinnamon — duh), and equations to determine the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow. A girlfriend, a dog, two cats, and two birds round out the equation, and in his spare time, Drewbear likes to imagine what it must be like to have spare time.

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