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2024 Election

Trump’s Newest $100K Watch Grift Has People FURIOUS — And You’re Not Even Allowed to Return It or Know When it Will Ship

Seriously.

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Have you ever wanted to be that jerkwad businessman in the comedy movie that has no idea how much everyone hates him? You know, Italian shoes, a silk suit, a bad haircut, and the obligatory shiny gold watch?

That watch in the movie? It’s probably a Rolex “Day-Date Presidential,” and it’ll set you back a little more than $38,000.

They really don’t make a finer watch, honestly. I mean, it’s not my taste, of course — I’m not super into gold watches or gold, period. And I really just don’t go in for the pay-for-the-name stuff, even if it’s very high quality. It’d be a status symbol to have a Maserati, but my Jeep does fine.

But making people pay for a name is what Donald Trump does. And it doesn’t come with high quality.

See, the name Trump sells is Trump. He’s put it on everything, and everything he’s put it on has failed. Vodka, steaks, colognes, Bibles, ties, universities, hotels, casinos… All massive failures. So why not watches? Gotta keep that streak alive, right?

Trump just introduced his new line of watches, and a few of them can be had for a paltry $500. Heck, most Trump voters could find that in their couch cushions. But to get the one that The Donald picked out for himself, it’s going to cost you a hundred grand.

To recap, that’s nearly 3 times the cost of the Rolex that it kind of resembles.

That’s right, according to Trump’s posts on his Truth Social account, if you missed out on his priceless digital trading cards and those amazing coins he had were sold out, you can still get that perfect Christmas present, if you act now. Because, you know, they’re GOING FAST!

Now, Trump’s not trying to get greedy or anything. This main watch pictured above is the only one that costs that much. And hey, its price is justified because he scribbled on the back! Oh, and they only made 147 of them.

He’s only looking to raise $14.7 million dollars with this watch. Well, $14,6, technically, since he grabbed up the first one. And it says that they’ll be numbered 1–147. So wait, does that mean you can’t get one with a lower number than two? You know, since he took the first one?

No, hang on, I guess you can get the number one in one of the OTHER two colors it comes in, if you want to look cheap without a gold watch, I suppose.

And if you’re in the market for a tacky watch that costs $100K, be sure you really want it, because NO RETURNS! Take a look at what’s in the FAQ section:

But there’s more! See the watch in the photos? That might not even be what the watch will look like:

And they even aren’t sure when the gaudy timepieces will ship!

Okay, now the details are getting me. Are there 147 total watches including all 3 colors? Or are there 147 of each color? And if there’s 147 of each, then he’s looking to make about $44 million from these classic timepieces.

If you’re a little light in the wallet for the super bling, you could always opt for the “Fight Fight Fight” model, so named for what the former president chanted in Pennsylvania after he pretended to get shot in the ear. That one’s only $500, and you don’t have to get gold — it comes in silver (tone) with a blood-red face, so you can look EXTRA tough.

Obviously this whole article has been a little tongue in cheek, but the watches are very, very real. And to return to a theme we’ve been visiting pretty frequently lately, it’s yet another sign that the man is losing his mind.

People on social media were disgusted:

Andrew Simpson
meet the author

Andrew is a dark blue speck in deep red Central Washington, writing with the conviction of 18 years at the keyboard and too much politics to even stand. When not furiously stabbing the keys on breaking news stories, he writes poetry, prose, essays, haiku, lectures, stories for grief therapy, wedding ceremonies, detailed instructions on making doughnuts from canned biscuit dough (more sugar than cinnamon — duh), and equations to determine the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow. A girlfriend, a dog, two cats, and two birds round out the equation, and in his spare time, Drewbear likes to imagine what it must be like to have spare time.

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