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Anderson Cooper Struggles to Speak After Watching Bizarre Video of Melania Trump, ‘Weirdest Thing I’ve Ever Seen!’

This man is a professional talker.

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It was a moment to mark down for the ages: Anderson Cooper, left completely speechless. The CNN anchor is legendary for his ability to speak eloquently and at length about nearly any topic in America.

But when he saw the latest promo for Melania Trump’s new memoir due out in just a few days, he simply couldn’t think of a single thing to say.

One can only assume that Anderson had not previously seen one of her many promos, which have been getting progressively stranger with each succeeding release. All of them look vaguely like a perfume ad, and her barely-intelligible accent makes it just as hard to tell what she’s selling as a TV spot for the latest eau de toilette.

The moody, high-contrast cinematography of the promo is set to the sound of strings playing an unnamed song (you wouldn’t want to have to pay for rights to something recognizable). It reiterates something we just found out that she says she’s been telling us all along: She’s pro-choice.

“Individual freedom is a fundamental principle that I safeguard. Without a doubt, there is no room for compromise when it comes to this essential right that all women possess from birth: individual freedom. What does ‘my body, my choice’ really mean?”

The promo comes on the heels of some choice excerpts from Melania about that very subject.

“Why should anyone other than the woman herself have the power to determine what she does with her own body? A woman’s fundamental right of individual liberty, to her own life, grants her the authority to terminate her pregnancy if she wishes,” Melania writes. “Restricting a woman’s right to choose whether to terminate an unwanted pregnancy is the same as denying her control over her own body. I have carried this belief with me throughout my entire adult life.”

But it wasn’t even just the content of the book commercial that stunned Cooper.

After a long pause, he looked at his co-host, saying “Sorry, it’s the first time I’m seeing that. That’s the weirdest promo I’ve ever seen. Like, the lighting… I’m sorry. I’ve written four books. I’ve never seen a promo like that.”

“I’m sorry—wow!” Cooper said.

Obviously he hasn’t seen the promo where she compares her nude modeling to classic works of art. I think that one’s even more weird.

Whether it was simply the bizarre way she contradicts her husband’s stance on abortion or the wanton silliness of the promo itself, Cooper was beside himself.

My money is on us getting even one more promo before the book drops on the 8th of this month.

Andrew Simpson
meet the author

Andrew is a dark blue speck in deep red Central Washington, writing with the conviction of 18 years at the keyboard and too much politics to even stand. When not furiously stabbing the keys on breaking news stories, he writes poetry, prose, essays, haiku, lectures, stories for grief therapy, wedding ceremonies, detailed instructions on making doughnuts from canned biscuit dough (more sugar than cinnamon — duh), and equations to determine the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow. A girlfriend, a dog, two cats, and two birds round out the equation, and in his spare time, Drewbear likes to imagine what it must be like to have spare time.

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