Writing politics has almost come full circle for me. Again. I’ve been writing this stuff for more than 20 years now, about half that time professionally, and it comes in cycles.

I’ll get myself all excited about an issue or a candidate, and then, as American politics is wont to do, the news grinds me into a pulp, until I feel like using my forehead to type instead of my fingers. And since the professional side of my time as an editorialist has largely included Trump, the cycle’s gotten faster.

Imagine my excitement when Trump first entered the race: “They’re going to run THAT clown?” said I. Hilarious entries ensue. “She got beaten by THAT clown?” I lamented. Heartbreaking tales of corruption and nepotism, crimes and overtly disgusting behavior followed.

Here we are at the end of the latest presidential campaign, and I think I’ve swung back to eager rebel fighter pilot, instead of gloomy documentarian of the Empire.

I’ve had the privilege of writing up a few pieces lately on the increasing chances of Kamala Harris finally driving Donald Trump into the political grave that could never have come too early. But even most of those have been based on reports from other optimists, people who genuinely want to believe that America is too good a nation to elect this man a second time.

Now his own camp is beginning to see what the rest of us see.

There’s been no shortage of verbal, physical, and mental gaffes throughout the storied length of Trump’s political ambitions. As a man who can literally never stop campaigning, who, indeed, illegally used the actual White House as a backdrop for the campaign for 2020 the day he began his term in 2017, Trump is too far gone not to be a guaranteed source of at least some hilarity.

But that’s the best we could do for a long time. Just laugh while he got away with everything. Now, however, he’s SO far gone that even his allies are worried he’s handing Kamala the election on a silver platter.

Take his Fox & Friends appearance on Friday morning.

I want you to really put yourself in his shoes here and imagine what you’d say if a literal child called in to a news show you were on and asked you the most important question a child can ask of a presidential candidate: What’s your favorite farm animal?

Would you reminisce about all the frogs and lizards you caught at your friend’s farm when you were little Timmy’s age? Would you remember your pet cat Roland, who played fetch and loved baths and loved fresh milk right off the farm? Would you imagine the petting zoo your mom took you to in the summer before 4th grade and you got to touch a goat?

Chickens? Anything?

Not Donnie boy. Full campaign mode.

Okay, you’ve still got Trump’s shoes on. Get ready to open your mouth, because you’re about to lie to a child on national television and then joke about it, instead of taking the opportunity to look like, you know, a normal person.

“I’ll tell you what I love, I love cows,” Trump told the first-grader who won’t be voting for another three elections. “But if we go with Kamala you won’t have any cows.”

Oh, and there’s no Santa, kiddo.

“I don’t want to ruin this kid’s day,” Trump said, nearly realizing he sounded like a monstrous buffoon. “I love cows, I think they’re so cute and so beautiful and so…” So something, I guess. Back to campaign mode. “But according to Kamala, who’s a radical left lunatic, you will not have any cows anymore.”

You hear that kid? If America elects the bad, bad lady, she’s going to make COWS DISAPPEAR. No more burgers, no more milkshakes, you can’t even say “moo” to be funny anymore. She’ll probably give you the death penalty for even knowing that’s what they say.

Okay, breathe. You can take off his shoes now. I laughed so hard when I saw this real, actual thing that very definitely happened, I nearly wet my pants like that poor kid probably did when he heard A GUY WHO USED TO RUN THE WORLD tell him that Kamala Harris is an evil menace to sweet little cows everywhere.

When you watch this video, I want you to note the fact that he continues facing forward toward the video of little Briar in Massachusetts, still talking to him while he sprayed “radical left lunatic” out like foul-tasting lemonade.

Trump: “I love cows. But if we go with Kamala, you won’t have any cows anymore.” pic.twitter.com/MY9S19LQT3

— Aaron Rupar (@atrupar) October 18, 2024

Watch that as many times as it takes until you feel as good about the upcoming Harris landslide as I do.