With as much money as the Trump campaign pays Melania’s stylist to get her all gussied up when she doesn’t even campaign for her husband, you’d think they’d spend a few minutes on Trump himself.

Unfortunately for the former president, nobody seems to be paying attention. In fact, as one social media commenter put it after seeing the picture below, it looks like they must have taken “all the mirrors out of Mar-a-Lago.”

Trump has never been especially physically fit, but this is a snap for the ages:

MAHA pic.twitter.com/8OCLggl71b

— PatriotTakes 🇺🇸 (@patriottakes) October 2, 2024

Now, don’t get me wrong. I am not the body-shaming type. As a guy who is slightly allergic to exercise and foods that don’t contain meat, I have no room to talk.

But Donald has made a huge deal of the concept of Making America Healthy Again, especially after he was endorsed by Independent dropout Robert F. Kennedy, Junior. He intends to make the political scion his health czar as his Secretary of Health and Human Services.

That concept was mostly a lark, of course. He brought that up in order to anger the left (and any reasonable person), because RFK Jr. is so vocally and adamantly opposed to vaccines. Trump still hasn’t given up the ghost of his disastrous response to COVID.

But health aside, I am absolutely the fashion-shaming type.

Again, if the stylists can squeeze Melania’s cheekbones into a room full of Log Cabin Republicans without at least ONE of them exclaiming “Oh, honey!’ then they can certainly wrangle Trump’s belt down far enough to buckle below his bellybutton.

And Visible Male Nipples? In this, The Year of Our Lord, 2024?!? For shame, you overcombing, gilt-lettered attention seeker. A fellow Republican might even say that Donald is just asking for it.

Even The Donald knows this is a major fashion faux pas:

Barney Frank looked disgusting–nipples protruding–in his blue shirt before Congress. Very very disrespectful.

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) December 21, 2011

As you can see by the timestamp, he’s known it for years. Heck, I bet even Barney got an earful from his husband Jim when he got home that day. Nobody wants Visible Male Nipples.

To be fair, it could be that Trump was thinking of someone else appearing before Congress in a nipply blue shirt.

Like this..? pic.twitter.com/eOaOvvtnNe

— ee🇺🇦 (@eeyore566) March 13, 2023

But at least Barney Frank didn’t make it a habit of preening in public quite as much as Trump does. And that’s the thing, really: If Donnie wasn’t so inclined to constantly comment on his own hair, his $10,000 suits, how much better-looking and more physically fit he is than other people, this really wouldn’t be an issue.

No, seriously:

(That’s literally a few days ago.)

We could just chalk it up to maybe his house being on fire when he left this morning or something.

Instead, we’re forced to see the embodiment of “when you’re a star, they let you do it” every single day. Think about it. Ivana, Marla, Melania, Stormy Daniels, Karen McDougal — all of them are objectively pretty women who could have almost any man they choose, be it based on looks, wealth, or their charming personality.

Trump has NONE of these things (considering the $80 million-plus he has to pay the also objectively attractive E. Jean Carroll). And now, complete with VMNs, we get to see how big it’s made his head that he’s gotten with every single one of them.

I mean, even Mick Jagger at least has the swaggering rock icon thing going for him. Trump has nothing but sweaty, angry, pompous disdain for anyone whose name isn’t Donald John Trump.

Sure, he tries to play it off like he’s making a joke. But Donald really thinks this stuff about himself. Remember that time he made the camera crews turn off their equipment when he realized they were getting his combover from an unflattering angle?

I really don’t have much use for people just making fun of someone for being overweight. As I said, I’m a chubby guy myself.

But I have even less use for people who put other people down for the exact things that they’re guilty of themselves. Trump has absolutely no business insulting anyone’s looks when he’s out there every day sporting the “discombobulated angler fish” look like he’s on the cover of a romance novel.

I’m not kidding, you guys. I just paused while writing this article to show my girlfriend what was making me chuckle, and she inadvertently summed it up with the same word that was used by the majority of commenters on social media upon seeing this picture.

Yikes.