2024 Election

Rumors of Trump Having a Stroke Reach Fever Pitch After He’s Seen Walking Yet Again With a Pronounced Limp

Not that he'll ever release his medical records.

If you’re looking for a candidate who’s going to be candid about their physical health, Donald Trump is not your man. His lies about his health stretch back a long way further than just his days in politics.

Because of his vanity, he’s always seen doctors who treat him with the utmost discretion, and when necessary, who will lie for him. And when he hasn’t been able to choose his own doctors, he’s simply lied himself about the outcome of examinations.

Just while he was in the White House alone, he lied every single year about things that were contradicted by simple observation. If you say you’re 6-foot-3 and 230 pounds, and you end up standing next to a guy with the same build, you’d better hope you look the same. Donald never has. The comparisons he’s drawn, in fact, have never been kind.

One physical tic, however, does more to support the rumor that Trump has had a stroke sometime recently than even the drooling he did at a rally a while back: He drags his right leg behind him when he walks.

Of COURSE we’re not talking about some Quasimodo version of the Electric Slide. But it is very apparent that he’s now having some trouble walking, and he hasn’t said a word about it publicly.

It’s no surprise that he’s keeping it a secret. Again, his ego prevents him from even talking about the mysterious regrowth of his ear after his “assassination attempt,” since it doesn’t appear to have been touched by a bullet in any way. So if he’s had a stroke, he’s absolutely going to keep that to himself.

He needs the world to see him as the perfect physical specimen that they think of when artists come up with “Firefighter Trump in a Cowboy Hat” for his virtual trading card set.

You’ll never observe Trump’s mental version of himself in real life. Instead, you’ll be treated to a bit of a gimp. And whenever he brings his leg behind him for a stroll, the internet chatter sparks anew.

But at least one social media commenter let him off the hook, even if it was in a humorous way:

Stay tuned, folks. If this issue becomes any worse, we’re likely to see his spin team in overdrive coming up with excuses.

meet the author

Andrew is a dark blue speck in deep red Central Washington, writing with the conviction of 18 years at the keyboard and too much politics to even stand. When not furiously stabbing the keys on breaking news stories, he writes poetry, prose, essays, haiku, lectures, stories for grief therapy, wedding ceremonies, detailed instructions on making doughnuts from canned biscuit dough (more sugar than cinnamon — duh), and equations to determine the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow. A girlfriend, a dog, two cats, and two birds round out the equation, and in his spare time, Drewbear likes to imagine what it must be like to have spare time.

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