The bizarre but true stories of Donald Trump on the 2024 campaign trail just keep getting crazier and crazier. I’m beginning to wonder if it’s not just that he’s suffering from mental decline, but that he’s forgetting things from grade school entirely

During the event, Trump told moderator Sage Steele that Kamala Harris “may have a cognitive problem,” right after saying the sentence “I have no cognitive” out loud into a microphone.

I have no cognitive. Does he know that’s an adjective? That’s like saying “I have no sad” or “I ate one too many uglies.” It’s funny, sure, but it’s not English.

“But, there’s no cognitive problem. It was nice that they actually said that, they said you know, if anyone has any questions, we were grilling this guy for two hours or two and a half hours and he’s got no cognitive.” If that’s not proof that every Trump story containing “they said” is a lie, I don’t know what is. Because absolutely no human person on the planet ever said “He’s got no cognitive” as a standalone statement until Donald Trump uttered it on that stage.

Then his math skills failed him when he adamantly insisted that he’s “not 80 and I’m not that close to 80.” Trump turned 78 all the way back in June. If he (God forbid) won in November and took back over in January, he would be 80 years old one year and 5 months into the term.

That’s VERY close to 80.

In fact, just to underline how convinced you have to be that everyone is stupid but you to say the stuff Trump said in just that tiny span of the town hall, I’ll point out that he not only said all of this MOMENTS after calling the host “Paige” instead of Sage, but that he also sarcastically tweeted “Happy 60th Birthday” to Kamala Harris yesterday, including her age. As though he forgot he could be her dad.

He concluded his very assertive statement by very assertively asserting once again that he’s “aced” two cognitive tests so far. You know, those tests that there are literally no wrong answers to.

“I’ve done cognitive tests. I’ve done them twice and I aced both of them and the doctor in one case said, ‘I’ve never seen anybody ace them.’ They’ve never seen anybody ace them.”

There’s that “they” again. “They” sure say a lot of stuff that humans don’t say.

And lest you think these two things are the only weird stuff Trump said during that town hall, I’ll do a chronological recap real quick before moving on to the funniest:

• Got the host’s name wrong
• Said he’s not stupid, only in Stupid instead of English
• Showed off his impressively bad math skills
• Bragged about “Person, Woman, Man, Camera, TV” one more time before prison
• Waited a full day and forgot how much older he is than his opponent ALL OVER AGAIN

Okay, with me so far? Because then he imitated a DUCK, only saying “frack” instead of “quack.”

“You’re restricted by so many different things that they put on so we’re going to let them frack, frack, frack, like a duck. Frack, frack, frack,” the former leader of the free world told the woman whose name he couldn’t remember.

Someone get this man to a doctor immediately. Or a veterinarian, I guess, I don’t know. Just make it one WE pick, not him. Because Donald goes to doctors that are crazier than he is.

Trump: "I've done cognitive tests, I've done them twice and I aced both of them, and the doctor in one case said I've never seen anybody ace them. They've never seen anybody ace them." pic.twitter.com/s5a2DZW5GE

— Republican Voters Against Trump (@AccountableGOP) October 20, 2024