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Sarah Huckabee Sanders Drops a Cringe-Worthy Promo Video, and the Internet is NOT Having It

When is she going to learn?

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Sarah Huckabee Sanders is a lost cause, I’m afraid. It’s not like her head wasn’t big enough when she was Donald Trump’s press secretary. Then the absolute geniuses of the great state of Arkansas went and elected her governor, because they hadn’t gotten quite enough Huckabee from her dad.

And since she got back home, she’s done a bang-up job. I mean, if her job description includes non-stop calamity and scandal. From the time that she spent a gajillion taxpayer dollars on a special travelin’ podium for them there foreign trips to that time she ducked out of her state while her constituents died in the tornadoes back in May to go to a NASCAR event, Sarah’s had a few, um, hiccups.

But all that’s changed, you see?! Now that Atlas Van Lines has come out with their 2024 Migration Patterns Study, it turns out Sarah’s got something to be proud of again!

The moving company does an annual list of what states are being moved to the most, and it turns out that for this year, Arkansas got that dubious distinction. Is it because of its booming metropolises (metropoli?) or its natural wonder? Is it the welcoming nature of the fine citizens of the state?

Alas, it turns out it’s really cheap to live there.

But that didn’t stop Sarah from filming a promotional ad to attract even MORE settlers to definitely not go to the Ozarks and start a heroin dealing operation. The video, complete with yet another ill-advised trademark Sarah Sanders outfit, is chock full of mistruths, digs at her political enemies, and pictures of the handful of “nice” buildings in Arkansas.

Friend, when I tell you that this video was not well-received, I want you to hear it with both ears. You see, I don’t believe that Sarah Huckabee Sanders understands the difference between “best state to move to” and “state that the most people are moving to.” Those are two different things, Sarah.

Even the people who LIKE Sarah Sanders and are ostensibly Republicans had words of warning about it. Many Trumpers voiced concerns about people moving there specifically to turn the state blue, which would be quite a feat. There may be something to that worry, however. Most people who move to an entirely new state tend to gravitate toward more populated areas. And the more populated an area is, the more likely it is to be politically on the left.

And whatever you do, Sarah, do NOT put this woman in charge of the tourism board:

Actually, come to think of it, that would make a great slogan for the state. “Arkansas: Just Visit Then Move On.”

Now, I’m not going to just sit here and talk smack about a state that I admittedly have never been to. But I couldn’t help but pile on Sarah a little bit, on account of her not knowing the difference between “should” and “do” in this situation.

Yes, folks DO move there — property’s cheap and there’s a lot left to be exploited by investors, and Walmart is headquartered there, so the back-to-office mandates have dictated a bunch of families relocating as well.

But should people move there? It sounds an awful lot like Arkansans just want to be left alone. And with the kind of statistics that Arkansas boasts, it seems best to leave them alone until they sort a few things out.

Maybe start with that sex offender thing.

Andrew Simpson
meet the author

Andrew is a dark blue speck in deep red Central Washington, writing with the conviction of 18 years at the keyboard and too much politics to even stand. When not furiously stabbing the keys on breaking news stories, he writes poetry, prose, essays, haiku, lectures, stories for grief therapy, wedding ceremonies, detailed instructions on making doughnuts from canned biscuit dough (more sugar than cinnamon — duh), and equations to determine the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow. A girlfriend, a dog, two cats, and two birds round out the equation, and in his spare time, Drewbear likes to imagine what it must be like to have spare time.

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