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It’s Hard to Believe, But Melania Trump Is an Even Worse Dancer Than Her Idiotic Husband

Didn't she JUST say she doesn't do this dance?

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The egos on the Trumps are just ridiculous. Everyone already knows that, including his true believers who think he can do no wrong. It’s always been apparent with him, going all the way back to the days that he used to pose as one of his own employees under the name John Barron, and call in to news and radio programs to say nice things about himself.

But we didn’t know it about Melania. Honestly, she probably could have fooled us forever. If we’d gone on seeing nothing but videos of her looking embarrassed by her husband’s outrageous behavior, she might have looked like a reasonable person even after their marriage inevitably ends.

In fact, in a recent episode of Fox and Friends, Melania’s first appearance since Donald won the election, she still seemed pretty standoffish about Donnie’s signature dance moves, his most egotistical habit ever. He literally took a song that was about something that he can’t relate to in any way whatsoever, made it about him, associated it with the world’s worst dancing, and tacked on another stolen move, Johnny Carson’s golf swing, at the end.

Anyway, this is her on December 6th:

She knows it’s horrifying. She’s downright appalled that Steve Doocy would even suggest that maybe she dances like that as well. “Have you ever done the Trump Dance? You ARE Mrs. Trump,” Doocy reminds her. “I think not,” she tells the panel.

But on New Year’s Eve, at the one place on earth where something unthinkable always happens — Mar-a-Lago – the incoming FLOTUS was caught on tape joining Donald and Elon in doing the awkward, cringe-worthy dance.

Even the social media superfan who posted the video, straight from Don Junior’s Instagram, was surprised:

Kinda feels like “infected” is exactly the right word here. Like one of those dirtbags who has an STI but doesn’t inform his sexual partners before insisting on unprotected activity.

At least for now it seems to have only spread among the terminally dumb crowd that votes for him. Oh, and Elon. You can see him in the video, just bopping along with the president-elect. He left the Florida resort around Christmas, but we knew he couldn’t stay away long. At one point, their dancing is even synchronized.

Here, let’s have another angle:

Did we mention that what’s on the screen while they dance to the Village People hit is actually footage of Donald Trump dancing to the Village People hit? For a party featuring the guy who owns X, that sure is Meta.

You know who’s not there with Don and Melania, her dad, Elon and his ex-wife, and Elon’s mom? Bill Gates. Nowhere to be seen, despite the fact that Trump claimed Gates was clamoring for an invite to the NYE shindig. Maybe he really was just trying to make Elon jealous, and it worked.

Either way, I’m not sure how Elon or Donald could be dancing now, after all the reports of a Trump-supporting terrorist blowing up a Cybertruck in the valet lane of a Trump hotel in Las Vegas.

So many people have said that the Cybertruck looks like a Dumpster™ that it’s hard not to associate the event with the often used term “dumpster fire.” And the fact that it happened right outside a Trump property has already turned into a meme factory:

I figure maybe Melania is the ONLY one with any reason to dance. her memoir has finally seen moderate success, she’s never had as bad a reputation as her husband, and she gets all the benefits of the Oval Office without having to do the work associated with it. Life couldn’t be much easier or better for her.

If only she could dance a little better than the two massive dorks beside her. Together, they all look like there must be strobe lights somewhere and they’re all epileptic.

Andrew Simpson
meet the author

Andrew is a dark blue speck in deep red Central Washington, writing with the conviction of 18 years at the keyboard and too much politics to even stand. When not furiously stabbing the keys on breaking news stories, he writes poetry, prose, essays, haiku, lectures, stories for grief therapy, wedding ceremonies, detailed instructions on making doughnuts from canned biscuit dough (more sugar than cinnamon — duh), and equations to determine the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow. A girlfriend, a dog, two cats, and two birds round out the equation, and in his spare time, Drewbear likes to imagine what it must be like to have spare time.

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