Opinion

The War Is On: Vogue Writes Scathing Review of Melania’s White House Portrait, ‘Looks Like She’s Guest Starring on the Apprentice’

I'd feel bad for the First Lady, but... I don't.

Melania Trump’s life could be said to have taken place in front of a camera. That’s often the case when someone is quite attractive, though not always. I, for example, am a modern-day Adonis, yet relatively few pictures of me actually exist.

I’m kidding, of course. I have a face for radio and print news. But if colleges gave out modeling scholarships, that’s how Melania would have come to this country. She instead had to pose naked for a now-defunct French uh… “men’s magazine” to pay her ticket to the United States 29 years ago.

Here in America, however, once you’re a model, you always expect to be one, and it was no different for Melania. And in this country, the ultimate modeling prize is to be on the cover of Vogue magazine, the 133-year-old leading edge source of fashion news, style, culture, beauty, and living.

The word “vogue” literally MEANS fashion.

But if being on the cover of the most prestigious publication in your industry is the coveted prize of modeling, then being mocked by that magazine — over a picture of you — has to be one of the worst insults you can imagine.

That’s exactly what’s happened with Melania Trump. She was famously snubbed for the cover of the magazine when her husband became president back in 2017. The Trumps felt it was political, since the magazine had a long tradition of putting First Ladies on the cover, even though none were fashion models before Melania assumed the role.

In fact, it might even be the fact that she was a model in her past life that kept Vogue from making her a centerpiece. After all, the purpose of showcasing a First Lady in a magazine like that isn’t necessarily style, fashion, or beauty — it’s culture and living. It’s an effort to humanize a woman who’s just assumed an unelected role in the most important House in America.

The country already knew Melania was a model. A flattering picture of her on the cover would have been meaningless.

But Melania did have her official White House portrait taken, and it was released on Monday. The black-and-white photo has been well-received in some circles, but Vogue, apparently content to keep stirring up the long-running feud between the publication and Mrs. Trump, panned it. The review was bad.

Written by Hannah Jackson, the scathing summation of the First Lady’s style is nothing short of a masterclass in thrifty, concise jabs at the tone-deaf setting and appearance of what has historically been a much “softer”-appearing public figure:

The sober black-and-white photograph by Régine Mahaux features Trump, the Washington Monument towering over her shoulder, resting her fingers on a reflective black desk and staring down the camera as if to say, “You’re fired.” Indeed, Trump looked more like she was guest starring on an episode of The Apprentice than assuming the role of first lady of the United States.

Trump’s clothing certainly didn’t help the boardroom pastiche. The first lady wore a black Dolce & Gabbana tuxedo jacket with satin-trimmed lapels over a white button-up, which she paired with a Ralph Lauren cummerbund and trousers. The choice to wear a tuxedo—as opposed to a blazer or blouse—made Trump look more like a freelance magician than a public servant. It’s perhaps unsurprising that a woman who lived in a gold-encrusted penthouse, whose fame is so intertwined with a reality-television empire, would refuse to abandon theatrics—even when faced with 248 years of tradition.

What follows in the review is not an ounce more kind to the former and current First Lady. Jackson contrasted this year’s official portrait with her first one in 2017, noting that in the previous photo, she’d centralized her “massive” diamond wedding ring. This year, Jackson noted, the Trumps appear to be showcasing their wealth by being photographed with the coterie of tech bros that attended the inauguration, the three wealthiest humans on planet Earth.

The current “boardroom pastiche,” as Jackson phrased it, serves to underscore the businesslike role that the Trumps intend to take in the running of America.

Melania didn’t let the 2017 snub from Vogue go unnoticed. In a 2022 Fox News interview, Mrs. Trump told her host, “They’re biased and they have likes and dislikes, and it’s so obvious. And I think American people and everyone sees it. It was their decision, and I have much more important things to do—and I did in the White House—than being on the cover of Vogue.”

That very nearly sounds like a woman with a legitimate gripe about potential bias by the staff of Vogue magazine. Until, that is, you find out that she was offered a feature in the magazine shortly after her husband was elected the first time, but turned them down unless she was guaranteed the cover.

Oh, and she’d already been on the cover back in 2005, when she married Donald Trump.

meet the author

Andrew is a dark blue speck in deep red Central Washington, writing with the conviction of 18 years at the keyboard and too much politics to even stand. When not furiously stabbing the keys on breaking news stories, he writes poetry, prose, essays, haiku, lectures, stories for grief therapy, wedding ceremonies, detailed instructions on making doughnuts from canned biscuit dough (more sugar than cinnamon — duh), and equations to determine the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow. A girlfriend, a dog, two cats, and two birds round out the equation, and in his spare time, Drewbear likes to imagine what it must be like to have spare time.

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