In a political move that feels more like a plot twist from a satirical novel, Representative Buddy Carter (R-GA.) has introduced a bill authorizing President Donald Trump to negotiate the acquisition of Greenland from Denmark. The pièce de résistance? Renaming the icy expanse to “Red, White, and Blueland.” Because nothing says “strategic national security” like a rebranding exercise that sounds like a theme park.

Carter’s enthusiasm was palpable as he declared, “America is back and will soon be bigger than ever with the addition of Red, White, and Blueland.” One can only assume the next step involves annexing the North Pole and appointing Santa Claus as Secretary of Holiday Cheer.

The bill doesn’t just stop at acquisition; it mandates that all federal references to Greenland be updated to its new, patriotically infused moniker within six months. So, if you’re a cartographer, brace yourself for a lot of tedious map editing.

President Trump has long eyed Greenland, touting its vast natural resources and strategic Arctic location as vital to U.S. interests. Denmark, however, has consistently responded with a polite but firm, “Nej tak” (that’s “No, thank you” in Danish). Undeterred, Trump has renewed his efforts post-2024 re-election, because persistence is key when you’re trying to buy a country that’s not for sale.

RT for Red, White, & Blueland 🇺🇸 pic.twitter.com/DK7QjlxDXj

— Buddy Carter (@RepBuddyCarter) February 11, 2025

In a prelude to this legislative push, Donald Trump Jr., along with political commentator Charlie Kirk and former Trump staffer Sergio Gor, visited Greenland in January 2025. They were seen mingling with locals, some of whom sported “Make America Great Again” hats. Critics likened the visit to a publicity stunt, suggesting that handing out hats doesn’t equate to diplomatic progress.

Greenlandic officials were less than amused. Pipaluk Lynge, chair of Greenland’s parliamentary Foreign and Security Policy Committee, emphasized the island’s desire for independence and cautioned against any U.S. attempts to undermine their autonomy. She also subtly reminded everyone of the U.S.’s less-than-stellar track record with Indigenous populations, referencing the experiences of Alaska Natives.

Adding another layer to the farce, reports emerged that the visiting delegation allegedly recruited homeless individuals to don MAGA hats in exchange for meals, creating a facade of local support. Because nothing says “welcome to the American family” like transactional photo ops.

Today in the House of Representatives:

Rep. Buddy Carter has a new bill to rename Greenland "Red, White, and Blueland." pic.twitter.com/dIMEOMCT7w

— Emily Brooks (@emilybrooksnews) February 11, 2025

Unsurprisingly, a Verian poll from late January revealed that 85% of Greenland’s residents are against becoming the 51st state, with only 6% in favor and 8% undecided. It seems the prospect of trading Danish pastries for American fast food isn’t as appealing as one might think.

As this geopolitical dramedy unfolds, one can’t help but wonder: What’s next on the U.S. shopping list? Perhaps the moon, rebranded as “Freedom Orb”? Only time will tell.