In this latest entry in “Things I Never Thought I’d Write,” we examine whether Donald Trump’s entire Cabinet is high on drugs, or what. I’m kidding, of course. Only a few of them are. Which leaves us to conclude that the rest are just plain dumb.

We’ve literally seen something idiotic from every single Trump appointee so far in this administration, and we’re only slightly past the midpoint of Trump’s First 100 Days. That has to be a record, I’m pretty sure.

On Saturday, Secretary of Agriculture Brooke Rollins offered up what sounded like advice from a patient still under the effects of the gas after having their wisdom teeth pulled, if all their wisdom came out with the teeth.

She told the panel on Fox & Friends that Americans should simply raise their own chickens if they’re upset about the soaring price of eggs at the grocery store. Perhaps she thinks that after the Canadian tariffs hit and the price of lumber goes through the roof, we should also just plant our own trees and invest in a sawmill.

Fox anchor Rachel Campos-Duffy — yes, the wife of Transportation Secretary Sean Duffy — had just made a remark about investing in small farms as a way to boost egg production in the US. Rollins bounced right into it:

I think the silver lining in all this is how do we, in our backyards — we’ve got chickens too in our backyard — how do we solve for something like this? And people are sort of looking around thinking, “Wow, well, Maybe I can get a chicken in my backyard,” and it’s awesome.

Trump’s Sec of Agriculture Brooke Rollins says the solution to high egg prices for Americans is to get some chickens and raise them in your backyard. pic.twitter.com/sYFAYKeR5Q

— Ron Filipkowski (@RonFilipkowski) March 3, 2025

Never mind that the notion of everyone who needs or even wants eggs raising chickens themselves is hilariously stupid. Imagine how that has to scale up for those needing even more than just personal use. And I don’t just mean bakeries, either. Besides their culinary uses, eggs are also used in a bunch of industrial ways. Egg whites are used to make vaccines and cosmetics, and egg yolks are used in the production of paints and glues. The proteins in eggs are also used in the production of various pharmaceuticals.

Of course, they have to come up with new and creative distractions to the fact that Trump hasn’t done anything about grocery prices — not that eggs really fall under that umbrella during a bird flu outbreak.

And when they can’t think of distractions, they just blame it on the last guy.

In January, Trump’s Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt straight-up blamed Biden for everything, saying “I would like to point out to each and every one of you that in 2024, when Joe Biden was in the Oval Office — or upstairs in the residence sleeping, I’m not so sure — egg prices increased 65% in this country. We also have seen the cost of everything, not just eggs — bacon, groceries, gasoline — have increased because of the inflationary policies of the last administration.”

That’s not entirely true. In fact, it’s actually not remotely true. Yes, prices went up — because they rebounded after the COVID pandemic. Joe Biden dealt with the fallout of Trump economic policies well into his time in the Oval Office.

“As far as the egg shortage, what’s also contributing to that is that the Biden administration and the Department of Agriculture directed the mass killing of more than 100 million chickens, which has led to a lack of chicken supply in this country, therefore a lack of egg supply, which is leading to the shortage,” Leavitt said.

I’m not sure if Karoline would have preferred that the chickens — who were not producing eggs and were infecting other chickens — had been left alone, or what. But surely Brooke Rollins doesn’t mean that she thinks Americans should raise a hundred million chickens in their backyards.

Because seriously, cluck that. But Campos-Duffy nodded along, saying “I think everyone who isn’t a farmer right now wants to be.” Uh, no, Rachel, I don’t want to be a farmer. My “backyard” is the 18-inch wide strip of grass that grows behind my apartment. I guess me and the other 44 million Americans who live in apartments are just… out of cluck?

Okay, I’ll stop with the chicken puns. But seriously, what on earth are these folks smoking? They can’t possibly think we actually believe they’re serious, right?

Honestly, I don’t know. Maybe it’s a built-in Fox News filter, but both women in the clip look pretty darn sincere. And that’s troubling, because while a lot of folks might want to raise their own chickens, I cock-a-doodle-don’t.