Elon Musk, once hailed as the “free speech absolutist” of the internet, is now apparently running X (formerly Twitter) like a moody high school principal who only lets his favorite students talk during lunch. His latest trick? Quietly throttling links to sites he doesn’t like. Because nothing says “freedom of expression” quite like slowing down access to your competitors and critical news outlets. You know, just friendly things like The New York Times, Reuters, Threads, and Bluesky. Totally normal, not shady at all.

When people noticed the delays, Musk didn’t even bother with denial. Instead, he offered a helpful tip to journalists and users: stop being “lazy” by posting links and instead, write everything in the post and bury the link in the comments. Because who doesn’t love a scavenger hunt just to read the news?

Just write a description in the main post and put the link in the reply. This just stops lazy linking.

— Elon Musk (@elonmusk) November 24, 2024

And if that weren’t enough, even Elon’s political allies are feeling the algorithmic cold shoulder. Take Laura Loomer—yes, *that* Laura Loomer—who found herself suspended for 12 hours after daring to criticize Musk’s cozy relationship with Donald Trump and his new AI policy puppet. Her blue checkmark disappeared, subscriptions were zapped, and her reach basically fell off a cliff. Musk, ever the unbiased ruler of his digital empire, brushed it off by saying her engagement was low because she gets blocked and muted a lot. Sure, Elon, it’s not the algorithm—it’s *her* personality. Classic gaslight move.

And in case you thought this was just a one-off power trip, think again. Under Musk’s reign, suspensions on X have exploded like one of his rockets (the ones that don’t land properly). Over five million accounts were suspended in the first half of 2024 alone. That’s quite the leap from the pre-Musk era. But hey, it’s only censorship when other people do it, right?

So, to sum it all up: on X, you can say whatever you want—as long as it doesn’t make Elon Musk sad. Want to link to a competitor? Good luck, the loading wheel’s your new best friend. Want to criticize your digital overlord? Expect your account to vanish faster than Musk’s attention span. It’s truly the golden age of “free speech,” brought to you by a billionaire who blocks journalists, silences critics, and throttles rivals—because nothing screams open platform like one guy controlling the megaphone and the mute button.

Welcome to X: where the tweets are slower, the suspensions are faster, and the hypocrisy is off the charts.