Politics - News Analysis

Georgia Church Stops Services Two Weeks After ‘Re-Opening’ Because … Their Congregants are Getting COVID-19

File this under “Predicted by everyone with an I.Q. above 90.”

A Georgia church that reopened after shutting down due to the coronavirus has axed in-person services again in what they describe as “an effort of extreme caution” as several of their families have become infected by the deadly disease.

“Several” families? That doesn’t sound like caution that is all that extreme, you know? That sounds a lot more like “just barely avoiding a lawsuit for reckless indifference” to me.

They are so very sorry that they didn’t see the fcking obvious.

“Our hearts are heavy …

Not as heavy as the lungs of the sick people …

as some of our families are dealing with the effects of the COVID-19 virus, and we ask for your prayers for each of them …

Which apparently didn’t help them while actually in church, perhaps God was counting upon them to use that brain that he intelligently designed. Perhaps the design isn’t always intelligent? Tough to tell.

… as they follow the prescribed protocol and recuperate at home,” the church said in a formal statement.

Or, do what they were told to do from the beginning.

Though we feel very confident of the safe environment we are able to offer in our facilities, the decision was made … that we would discontinue all in-person services again until further notice in an effort of extreme caution for the safety and well-being of our families.”

Your confidence isn’t helping the people laying in bed right now hoping that they’re not one of the ones that succumb to the disease, and we dearly hope that you’ll note your mistake if and when you do one of the funerals – all because you watched Fox News and believed the president is a man sent by God.

There is a bit of a scary element to this. The church had people sitting six feet apart and had the doors open so no one had to touch the doors (no word on face masks, which means they likely weren’t worn), so it’s not like they did a big “F-You” to the “PC and Pandemic Police” and were hugging and all that. That goes to show that the disease is “that contagious,” which should be a word of warning … just one that they had all along.

Good news! The pastor is quoted as saying that only one-quarter of their congregation chose to attend in-person and thus that one-quarter will enjoy the streaming that the 75% with functioning brains enjoyed.

Now, if that pastor would just get on the phone and start calling up pastors everywhere, saying “Our president is full of shit, stop watching Fox News! This is dangerous.” But that would be a miracle, and we don’t expect miracles, just common sense from those with I.Q.s above 90.

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Peace, y’all

Jason

[email protected] and on Twitter @MiciakZoom

meet the author

Jason Miciak is a political writer, features writer, author, and attorney. He is originally from Canada but grew up in the Pacific Northwest. He now enjoys life as a single dad raising a ridiculously-loved young girl on the beaches of the Gulf Coast. He is very much the dreamy mystic, a day without learning is a day not lived. He is passionate about his flower pots and studies philosophical science, religion, and non-mathematical principles of theoretical physics. Dogs, pizza, and love are proof that God exists. "Above all else, love one another."

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