Politics - News Analysis
Trump, With Fake Tan, Fake Hair, Fake Teeth & Wears Shoe Lifts, Mocks Joe Biden For Having Plastic Surgery
It takes one hell of a pair for Donald Trump to stand up in front of cameras, people, God and country to talk about how someone else looks or what that person has done to look the way they do. After all, Donald Trump makes Joe Biden look like a child born of Natalie Portman and George Clooney.
Let’s review some of the things we know and some of the rumors we’ve heard about Donald Trump. We know for a fact that he wears cheap orange makeup with such abandon that he has been seen with a quarter-inch thick line running from above his ear to his jawbone dividing white and orange. We know that Trump does something with his hair that defies quantum mechanics – if that is hair – on his otherwise egg-shaped skull. Speaking of eggs and hair, his hair is the color of a sunny-side-up yoke.
We don’t phat shame but Trump is phat as phuck. (We will make one exception). We have good reason to believe that Trump wears elevator shoes, “aka high heels,” in order to make him look 6’2 instead of 6’0, closer to his stated height of 6’3. We have been told by an Apprentice staffer that Trump wears a girdle to keep his gut in. We cannot confirm it. But we do know that Trump wears massively oversized suits and ties that drop below his mushroom, almost like he’s covering something.
He is said to wear adult “Depends.” We aren’t going to make light of that because we’re all getting older. But Trump would make fun of someone else wearing one even IF Trump was wearing one at the same time.
Trump can’t seem to control his right side at times. He sways his right leg when he walks. He made a ramp at West Point look like Hillary’s Step on Everest. He brags about passing a cognitive exam that is designed to be passed by functioning adults. His eyes often look like they’re all pupil, except on those occasions when he looks like he found the keys to the good stuff that anesthesiologists keep locked up.
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IF Trump has not had plastic surgery we could only explain it by him having a fear of needles, fear of surgery, fear of people seeing him unconscious, or fear of people in masks, something.
Additionally, despite the fact that there is a pandemic going across the world that kills people Trump’s age, he proudly goes maskless because he’s just that good-looking. Or that stupid. We are going with stupid. We recall pictures of him looking at the eclipse with his naked eye which is akin to going maskless in the midst of COVID. He fckt them both up. Case closed.
So of course Trump mocked Biden tonight for wearing a mask and possibly having plastic surgery. Wearing a mask is nothing but common sense (which explains Trump’s refusal). And plastic surgery? Eh, so what? We don’t know one way or another. We only know that Trump is the last guy on earth who should be commenting on how someone looks or what they do to look that way! Trump makes RuPal look like Willie Nelson.
The President wonders why Joe Biden is covering up plastic surgery with a mask pic.twitter.com/VpuhZeKciB
— Acyn Torabi (@Acyn) September 22, 2020
Please to be fcking off now.
Americans had thoughts:
Delusional Ditter fucking shitter. https://t.co/cj36P0smtE
— Blue Dog Democrat 🌊🐕🇺🇲🇧🇷🇻🇦 🥁💜BLM (@EngineerLife55) September 23, 2020
I’m wondering why he uses orange spray paint to cover himself. https://t.co/Mo8ZxOxGKi
— YS (@NYinLA2121) September 23, 2020
He likes that plastic surgery statement bc he used that same thing when he was trying to offend Mika from #MorningJoe remember he said that she came to Mara Lago after plastic surgery & was bleeding all over. I can't remember the exact words. He's repeating his insults. Loco man! https://t.co/qbgyxdAIAk
— sheilamonge (@Auxi13Sheila) September 23, 2020
Yes, “bleeding from her face” – which supports our theory that he’s just too scared to have plastic surgery or he would’ve done it.
A national disgrace. Shaming masks while his sheep wear masks in the background. Then he does what he does best, acts like a middle-school bully and resorts to childish insults. Fuck every single #MAGA blowhard. They endorse all the lies and childish actions by this turd. https://t.co/0UZnp8cLwI
— Common Sense (@Ermdog24) September 23, 2020
Projecting the trump family facial surgeries.
But they are still just so ugly. https://t.co/D7UuMxaCeO— SandiB#VoteJoe&Kamala#VoteBlue#VoteDems⬆️⬇️Ballot (@bluedgal) September 23, 2020
This is who we are? This low brow nonsense? This is the President of the United States.
Call out your own and get some credibility.
Until then we're an embarrassment. https://t.co/rTo9wjdiq4
— Juliet Huddy (@JulietHuddyTV) September 23, 2020
So Presidential! Isn’t your wife’s agenda about bullying? Why don’t you talk about a healthcare plan? Because you’re about to send hundreds of thousands without it! You’ve promised for years! Why don’t you show some empathy today for 200,000 dead on your watch? https://t.co/YABq75xlKG
— Patricia debolt (@DeboltPatricia) September 23, 2020
1) The world's most vain little man, who smears orange makeup on his face to disguise his rosacea, who dairy-swirls his hair to cover up his botched hair plugs, has something to say about Biden's facelift.
2) Wearing a mask is soooooo funny (200,000 dead). https://t.co/SaydxoWwqx— Bob Cesca (@bobcesca_go) September 23, 2020
If he REALLY wants to go there.. Jabba the Hutt here makes Biden look like Jason Momoa.
Foh.
Also.. Bunker Bitch is easily the most insecure person on the planet, yes?! https://t.co/2vSfSZntqK
— BrittSoMuch (@BrittSoMuch) September 23, 2020
****
Peace, y’all
Jason
[email protected] and on Twitter @MiciakZoom
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