Damn, and just as we were warming up to her … pfft.

So, there is a hint of trouble just off the horizon for the money-making and ass-shaking couple, Donald and Melania. While we were all in a fury about the fact that Trump was just shooting the spit over the fire at Camp David with his kids and not staying back managing the oncoming COVID storm, Melania was … well, she and her kid were not in the picture.

Indeed, we even asked at the time why that worthless Don Jr. or even Eric couldn’t at least try to be the “cool uncle” figure in poor Barron’s life and take the kid golfing with “Dad.”

Incidentally, it appears that Barron will go through the entire presidency without once being seen with Dad taking him to a game, a rocket launch, China, or even just to lunch at some cool DC burger joint. Jesus, some dads would give anything to be able to take their kid to … never mind. Don is such an asshole.

Back on topic. This is a topic solely because People Magazine found out exactly why Melania and Barron weren’t in the picture. It’s because they’re not in the picture at all, they weren’t there:

First Lady Melania Trump, who revealed the annual Christmas decorations at the White House on Monday, did not appear to travel with her husband to Camp David over the weekend; neither did their teenage son, Barron.

The first lady’s office did not respond to a request for comment from PEOPLE.

Now, this will surely shock to the uber-hip, sharp wit, progressive pips, that read Flare, but when People Magazine calls in real America – especially the White House – you pick up the damned phone, immediately, and talk. We’re fully aware that this sounds ridiculous, but People Magazine is a behemoth in real America that  … The only time you don’t talk to People is when talking creates far more trouble than the big phat “no comment” on the People Magazine web page, creating trouble of its own. Now you’re reading it here. See what they did?

None of us would even have noticed the absence were it not for damn Dan Scavino’s attempt to make the Trumps look human, no wonder it got all fkt up. You cannot humanize the Trumps. As the net says ETTD, Everything Trump Touches Dies. Any attempt to warmly humanize this family ends up as a scandal. Surprise.

https://www.instagram.com/p/CIE9ysnlVyS/?utm_source=ig_embed

As to where Melania took Barron? Dunno. Did you see them? Maybe Trump said “The helicopter is waiting,” while Melania and Barron were watching Finding Dory in the White House movie theater and she said, “See you on Monday.” But if you choose to split apart for Thanksgiving and only get back together for “work,” doesn’t that make you business partners and not a family? Heads up to Palm Beach County Clerk, it’s coming.

We have been meaning to unload this for quite some time and this seems almost perfect. You might’ve picked up on a hint of anger in this regarding Barron. It’s possible that with Melania’s litigious nature and cold grip on the nuts of everyone working in the White House, that Barron’s been to Burning Man, the NBA Finals, plays free safety on the football team, and dates his trigonometry teacher, but nobody knows anything. Unlikely, because it’s also possible he sits at home alone, a lot, and is used to it. Have you seen him smile?

We don’t care that Mel and Don were separated on Thanksgiving and look to be headed toward divorce.

Here is what we care about and want to know. Seeing as how Don Jr. seems determined to keep himself culturally relevant as the “regular guy American MAGA man,” the rugged hunter, and seeing as how there are long periods where he didn’t have custody of his own kids, why the hell has Don Jr. (or Eric) not once just taken poor Barron to Alaska or Idaho for a camping trip, and be human for god sake? Not once did these people ever show any hint of humanity, only self-promotion, not even the slightest bit of … a pulse, something real, something not about money or power. “C’mon, Barron, all the boys, we’re all going to Wyoming to hike for four days, no women!”

And if you’re not going to do that, we don’t know why the hell they’re doing anything. Because the rest of us are out here working our asses off, trying to not get sick, educate our kids, and get out just enough to keep our souls. Yet, even in that, we almost stumble upon stuff bigger than ourselves, we evolve, mature, learn, and love.

We don’t care where Melania was over Thanksgiving, she can go sit on a stiletto. Barron’s still a kid, and we find ourselves caring, some. Seems like more than them, even.