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Lindsey Chooses Chick fil-A as the Hill He’ll Die Upon: “Will Go To War for the Principles Chick fil-A Stands For”

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Sweet baby jeezus wanting waffle fries, this cannot possibly be true, and yet there it is. Before you can even shake your head, your inner voice reminds you that it’s 2021, the MAGA-era, and it’s Lindsey Graham. Of course, it’s true.

Quick backstory. Either Notre Dame as an institution (the business-administrative side) wanted a Chick-fil-A or Chick-fil-A wanted Notre Damn as a franchise, one of the other, or both. We are willing to bet (though cannot confirm) that there are more Subways at Notre Dame than footballs. So what’s the big deal about a Chick-fil-A franchise going in?

It is pretty straightforward.

Everyone knows that one can – and should – hate both Subway and Chick-fil-A, but there are some “not very subtle distinctions” between the two, one of which being that Subway as a corporation doesn’t openly discriminate against the LGBTQ community. Thus it is that the students and faculty of Notre Damn are protesting establishing a new franchise on the UND campus.

Now, in a development having nothing to do with the LGTBQ community (*cough), Lindsey Graham happens to love Chick-fil-A. We dearly wish we could call it some ironic quirk, but Graham’s love is almost surely rooted in cold hard campaign cash and a willingness to say literally anything that his white, evangelical, voters want to hear about their favorite fast-food franchise, the one that closes to close on Sunday (fine) and has an anti-LGBTQ agenda (not fine).

This is an important enough matter that Lindsey has chosen Chick-fil-A as his hill to die on. He won’t work to protect Capitol Police. He doesn’t care about voting rights. He isn’t talking about the fact that the Pentagon (for f-sake) had an “anti-coup” readiness stance in January. But he’s right up front protecting (my god, the irony) the most openly anti-LGBTQ corporation not named Hobby Lobby.

Oh, shut up! Do you have no sense of shame!

He is not fooling anyone.

https://twitter.com/sydneypepperr/status/1415457266443112451

https://twitter.com/sssssvard/status/1415451132294467588

https://twitter.com/dylanobrien/status/1415448310731608067

Note: Irony died a quick and painless death alongside Lindsey on that particular hill.

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Peace, y’all
Jason
[email protected] and on Twitter @JasonMiciak

 

Jason Miciak
meet the author

Jason Miciak is a political writer, features writer, author, and attorney. He is originally from Canada but grew up in the Pacific Northwest. He now enjoys life as a single dad raising a ridiculously-loved young girl on the beaches of the Gulf Coast. He is very much the dreamy mystic, a day without learning is a day not lived. He is passionate about his flower pots and studies philosophical science, religion, and non-mathematical principles of theoretical physics. Dogs, pizza, and love are proof that God exists. "Above all else, love one another."

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